As a new parent, I was determined to raise my children without resorting to spanking. Having experienced abuse in my own childhood, I made a firm promise to myself that I would break the cycle. While many might view spanking as a form of discipline rather than abuse, I couldn’t accept the idea of using physical force to discipline my kids. The thought alone brought back memories of fear and pain from my past, particularly when my father would resort to hitting. I vowed never to follow in his footsteps.
However, as I navigated the challenges of parenting, I began to understand the reasons behind why some parents choose to hit their children. One chaotic evening, while I was in the kitchen finishing up the dishes, things took a turn. One child was using the upstairs bathroom, another occupied the downstairs one, and my youngest daughter dashed through the kitchen, declaring she needed to go as well. I instructed her to use my bathroom, but instead, she began banging on the door of the downstairs bathroom.
Exasperated, I watched as my five-year-old kicked at the door while my oldest yelled, “I AM POOPING!” in a frantic tone. At that moment, I closed my eyes and sighed, overwhelmed by exhaustion. Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse, my youngest daughter burst into the bathroom and began to deliberately pee on the floor, laughing as if it were a joke.
In a moment of sheer frustration, I yelled at her to stop, but she just giggled. That’s when my anger boiled over. Without thinking, I yanked her away from the mess and smacked her on her bare bottom. As she cried out in shock, I was flooded with feelings of shame and regret. I suddenly saw the resemblance to my own childhood—not just in her reaction, but in my inability to control my emotions. I had let my frustration consume me, resorting to a reaction I had promised never to repeat.
As she continued to cry and repeat, “You hit me!” a wave of guilt washed over me. I asked her to go to her room to get ready for bed, needing space to process my actions. I cleaned up the mess and noticed how startled my older daughter looked, mirroring my own feelings of regret.
This wasn’t the first time I had felt close to losing control. Parenting can be overwhelming, especially with my youngest, who tends to challenge my patience the most. While I never intend to hurt my children, the frustration can be all-consuming. I know that teaching self-regulation, patience, and empathy is vital, but in that moment, all I could think about was the mess and my child’s defiance.
I often remind myself that if I, a person with emotional awareness and support, can lose my temper, it’s understandable that others under greater stress might do the same. I don’t believe all stressed-out parents resort to hitting, but I do empathize with those who struggle to maintain their composure. It requires immense self-control to avoid responding impulsively, and in that moment of chaos, I failed.
Every parent hopes to avoid causing pain to their children, yet sometimes, they are the ones who inflict it. I became that parent, and I hated myself for it. After taking a moment to collect myself, I sought out my daughter, who was curled up in her bed, still visibly shaken. Seeing the mark I had left on her was heart-wrenching. When she acknowledged that I had struck her, I sincerely apologized. I made it clear that hitting her was wrong, but I also wanted her to understand that her actions had consequences.
We made promises to each other: she would try to listen better, and I would commit to using my words instead of resorting to hitting. I know there will be times when we both falter and break our promises. However, my commitment to not hitting my children does not hinge on her behavior.
While I do not condone spanking or abuse, I have come to appreciate the struggle involved in maintaining composure amidst chaos. Acknowledging this complexity helps me stay on the edge of control without crossing it.
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Summary
Navigating the challenges of parenting can sometimes lead to moments of loss of control, even for those who vowed never to resort to physical punishment. This article recounts a parent’s struggle with frustration and the realization of the importance of self-regulation and empathy in raising children. Despite the setbacks, the commitment to break the cycle of abuse remains strong.
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