As I scroll through social media, I often come across posts from parents feeling isolated as their children grow older. I can relate, especially now that my kids are at a stage where they no longer require a babysitter, yet still need a trusted adult around to check in with. For most of their childhood, I’ve balanced a flexible consulting role, which worked well until summer vacation disrupted our routine. Thankfully, our community offers safe spaces for kids to explore, and I’m comfortable allowing them some independence during the break.
Now that the school year has started, the transition back can be challenging. It’s not just about adjusting to early mornings; it’s about my increased presence during their post-school hours. While summer allowed for uninterrupted work hours, the school year has a defined end to my workday around 3 p.m. This shift means I dive into carpool duties, attending games, and managing homework. I often find myself juggling tasks, trying to be helpful but not intrusive.
My children have always mirrored my moods. If I’m excited about an adventure, they join in, but when I enforce household rules, they tend to retreat, hoping I’ll ease up. As I grapple with anxiety, they sense it too, and the atmosphere can feel tense.
With two kids engaged in high school sports this fall, our calendar is quickly filling up with games and events. Although I’m not a Type A personality, I appreciate the structure this routine brings, and I suspect my kids do too. Yet, I was taken aback when both of them, at different times, expressed that I didn’t need to attend their games this year. One of them even said, “Honestly, I don’t even notice when you and Dad are there.”
It’s clear they are seeking independence, a goal we all encourage. However, this sudden desire for distance stings. Many parents build their social circles around their children’s activities, bonding with fellow parents during countless hours spent on the sidelines. We’ve invested significant time and effort into understanding the sports and navigating the systems, so when my kids decisively pushed back on my involvement, I was left uncertain about how to respond.
Initially, I questioned whether I was overly involved compared to other parents. I’d say I’m somewhere in the middle—not the mom who emails coaches demanding playing time or bakes treats for every game, but I’m certainly present to cheer them on.
Next, I reflected on the emotions involved. My feelings of hurt felt personal, but was it really? It seems they’re craving more freedom, and this is one way they can assert it.
I also pondered their motives: were they asking me to step back completely, or simply seeking to reduce my involvement? Observing other kids, I hadn’t noticed such a pull away from their parents, but perhaps those moments of distance don’t make for compelling social media posts.
When I expressed my hurt, my son remarked, “I thought you didn’t want to go,” which made me wonder if there was a kernel of truth in his comment.
What I Wish for My Children to Understand
I recognize there are times you might wish for different parents. I remember my sister and I often wished our dad was more like others when he showed up to school events dressed in sweatpants and slippers!
Sometimes, you might think other parents are cooler or more laid-back. I want you to know that our level of involvement is a choice we make out of love and pride in you. Other families choose differently, and that’s okay.
Life is full of choices, especially as you grow older and encounter diverse people from various backgrounds. This is the beauty of stepping out into the world—learning to make your own decisions. What’s important to us is seeing you shine on the soccer field this Tuesday night.
Always remember, as your parents, we love you. It’s alright to want some space from our rules or presence, but know we’re here for you. You can reach out anytime—even if you think it might lead to trouble. Our ultimate goal is your well-being. That’s what drives me to cheer from the sidelines and juggle carpool duties.
We’ve dedicated ourselves to purposeful parenting, addressing each of your unique needs, even if it means sacrificing our own time for games that may not always hold our interest. We genuinely enjoy watching you, and as you share less with us each year, these moments allow us to connect and observe your interactions with friends and teammates. Time is fleeting, and as we approach significant milestones, we hope you’ll include us in this journey. You’ll need us, trust me on this one.
Further Reading
For further insights on parenting and the journey of self-discovery, check out this insightful post on home insemination kits at Make a Mom. If you’re seeking expert resources on pregnancy and fertility, the CDC offers an excellent guide at CDC Infertility FAQ. Additionally, don’t miss out on the informative content regarding fertility boosters available at Make a Mom.
Summary
Navigating the complexities of parenting tweens and teens can be challenging, especially when they express a desire for independence. While it may hurt to feel pushed away, it’s essential to understand that this desire for space is a natural part of their growth. Parents must balance their involvement while allowing their children to explore their autonomy. Open communication about love and support is key, ensuring that kids know their parents are always there for them, even if they seek distance.
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