As a mother of two sets of twins, I’ve immersed myself in countless resources about raising twins—books, forums, memes, you name it. However, amidst the chatter of “double the trouble” and “twice the blessings,” a crucial reality often gets overlooked: the immense guilt that comes with being a twin mom. (Trust me, I don’t often use strong language, so this is significant.)
From the moment the second twin arrives, you’re outnumbered—two against one, all day, every day, for life. With my first set of twins, their early days took a turn I never anticipated: the NICU. Suddenly, my earlier pregnancy woes seemed trivial as I looked at my two little ones, hooked up to machines and swaddled in wires instead of blankets.
Compounding the situation, the NICU wasn’t designed for twins to share a space. My babies couldn’t even see each other until they were discharged. So, every few hours, my partner and I would switch rooms, ensuring each twin received our undivided attention. Yet, amidst the chaos of feedings, pumping, diaper changes, and logs of every detail, I felt I never spent enough time with either child.
Fortunately, my second set of twins only needed a brief stay in the NICU—around twelve hours. However, many twin preemies face much longer stays. Despite my efforts to carry them to term, I often felt guilty when reality didn’t align with my plans.
The guilt didn’t vanish once we left the NICU. After the joy of seeing two newborn smiles, there came the inevitable cries of two babies needing attention. In those early days, I had no trouble holding both twins simultaneously. But as they grew, I found myself carrying them one at a time, a clear indicator of how divided my attention was.
Honestly, I wish I could take all my children on adventures, but bringing four little ones into the world has taken a toll on my body. For that, I feel… you guessed it… guilty. I yearn for a life full of exploration just as much as my three-year-old does, but we often have to wait for their dad to come home. And even then, I hold my breath that the double stroller can fit through the entrance of wherever we go.
Tomorrow marks the first day of preschool for my oldest set of twins, and I’m already contemplating which one I’ll hug first when they return. It’s not a devastating guilt when I choose one over the other; it’s just a weight that sits heavily in my heart as a twin mom. You’d think we might escape feelings of guilt during rare moments of quiet, but I believe that twin moms will always carry some level of lingering guilt.
In my moments of solitude, I often ponder if I nurture Gracie’s creative side enough and worry that Bubba, my only son, feels overlooked. I hope the younger twins know they’re loved and cherished despite my divided attention. I never want my children to feel like they are only half-loved, as that could never be true. But having twins means there will always be days filled with the sentiment of not doing enough.
Still, I remind myself that I’m doing my best. So, I’ll wash away that twin mom guilt with a glass of wine and remember that I’m not just raising twins; I’m fostering lifelong best friends. And really, how could I dwell in guilt when that is the reality?
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Summary:
Being a mom of twins brings its own unique challenges and a heavy dose of guilt, from the early NICU days to the ongoing struggle to balance attention among all children. Despite the hurdles, it’s essential to remember the joy of raising twins and the friendships they forge with each other, while also embracing the journey of motherhood.
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