As a 38-year-old mom of three school-aged kids, I’m starting to realize that the demands of motherhood, marriage, and adulthood are relentless. There’s never that moment of pure bliss when you can just sit back and think, “Yes! I’ve accomplished everything on my to-do list.” There’s always something that needs to be done—whether it’s getting everyone out the door on time, ensuring no one forgot their lunch, or simply keeping everyone healthy and well-rested. And if, by some miracle, everything does go smoothly, it’s probably a sign that something’s about to go wrong.
Sure, parenting can be a whirlwind of chaos, but lately, it feels even more overwhelming as I juggle the needs of my family. I feel stretched to my limits, and in an effort to be supportive, friends often suggest, “You really need some self-care.”
And honestly, my first instinct is to roll my eyes. I know you mean well, but that kind of advice doesn’t help at all! Don’t you think I’m aware of the fact that I need to take care of myself? The reality is, there’s simply no time for “Mommy self-care.”
When you’re caught up in work, hit unexpected traffic, and rush to your son’s soccer game late, there’s no time to breathe, let alone indulge in self-care. Or when two kids have looming school projects and another is struggling with math—what even are ten-frames and comparison bars?—the last thing on my mind is a relaxing bath or a pedicure.
Not to mention the times when you must dash a child to the ER during an asthma attack or juggle multiple crises at once—like car troubles, overdue bills, and a flooded basement. The list goes on: “Don’t forget!” notes cluttering the counter, reminders for picture day, and a flurry of school demands—each one a reminder that self-care feels like a luxury I can’t afford.
For some moms, skipping self-care feels like a badge of honor. But for many of us, it’s not about martyrdom; it’s about sheer exhaustion. We want to take better care of ourselves, but adding “self-care” on top of everything else feels impossible.
What does self-care even entail? Is it a weekend getaway filled with meticulous notes about the kids’ schedules? Is it indulging in a spa day that brings guilt because the kids are outgrowing their clothes? Or is it a quick coffee date filled with venting about the chaos of parenting?
After sleepless nights spent caring for a sick child, my mental list of things-to-do only grows longer. The last thing I need is someone telling me I look worn out and need self-care. If Mary from the PTA only knew the reality of my life, she might just offer to help instead of pointing out the obvious!
In a perfect world, rather than piling more tasks onto our plates, let’s lighten the load for moms instead. After all, we’re already juggling so much—can we not just ask for a little understanding?
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Summary
Balancing the demands of motherhood is a challenging task, often leaving little room for self-care. While well-meaning friends might suggest taking time for oneself, the reality is that many mothers feel too overwhelmed to incorporate self-care into their hectic lives. Instead of adding to the pressure, we should focus on easing the burdens we face.
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