It’s common for adults to say things to kids that can be awkward and even harmful. Often, people fail to recognize the implications of their words, which can make it uncomfortable when someone like me points it out. For instance, I don’t appreciate when a cashier tells my son that girls would do anything for his long eyelashes. And no, random stranger at the park, my “gorgeous daughter” is not a heartbreaker—she’s just a kid, not a romantic interest. Similarly, I can’t predict whether my 8-year-old daughter and her male friend will get married someday; they’re just kids, far too young to even consider romance.
Yet, this kind of labeling happens all the time. Adults often gender a child’s traits—long eyelashes are not exclusively feminine, just as short hair isn’t solely masculine. It’s also important to remember that if a child has a crush, it’s not their responsibility to manage someone else’s feelings. If someone is upset about unreturned affection, it’s not the child’s fault, and they shouldn’t have to modify their behavior to avoid hurting someone else’s feelings.
When kids of different genders are seen playing together, many adults jump to the conclusion that they must be more than friends, reinforcing outdated norms that view heterosexual relationships as the default. If you’re going to apply romantic labels, why not do it with same-gender friends too? The bias is clear, and it perpetuates the harmful idea that love must fit into a narrow paradigm. We need to teach our children that both gender and sexuality exist on a spectrum, promoting the idea that all forms of love are valid.
Reflecting on my own childhood, I knew I was different. I understood that my feelings were not accepted, and so I kept my crushes a secret. Valentine’s Day was particularly challenging, as I felt pressured to have a male Valentine, which didn’t feel authentic to me. I had male friends, but our relationships were never romantic—they were just friendships. When others made assumptions that crossed that line, it made everything awkward.
Children often find the idea of romance outside of family relationships cringe-worthy. Labeling their innocent friendships with adult concepts can lead to embarrassment and shame. We must stop forcing these labels on kids and allow them to form connections based on genuine friendship, not societal expectations.
As a parent, I appreciate that my kids have a diverse group of friends. Each of my three children interacts differently in social situations; some thrive, while others prefer one-on-one friendships. My role is to guide them in forming healthy relationships, emphasizing that friendships should not be dictated by gender, race, or any other category. Adults need to refrain from making misguided jokes about prom or marriage, which only serve to alienate children.
Kids need supportive friendships that are free from adult assumptions. They don’t need the pressure of romantic labels or expectations. If you want to delve deeper into topics related to family building, check out our article on fertility boosters, as well as home insemination kits for more insights. Another excellent resource on this topic is this guide on what to expect during your first IUI.
In summary, we should be mindful of how we discuss children’s friendships and avoid imposing adult concepts on their innocent relationships. By doing so, we create a more inclusive environment where all types of love are recognized and celebrated.
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