There’s a lot to love about being Southern. Our culture is rich and flavorful, from our well-seasoned cuisine (yes, I said it!) to our manners, like saying “excuse me” when we bump into someone. And let’s not forget how the humidity does wonders for our skin and hair.
However, while I take great pride in my Southern roots, there are aspects of the culture I find troubling. The most glaring issue, of course, is the deep-seated racism that pervades our society. Following closely behind is a practice that often goes unexamined: spanking, or what some might call “whoopin’” children.
In the South, there’s immense pressure on kids—especially Black children—to behave in a way that reflects well on their families. This often leads to expectations of perfect behavior, with physical punishment being a common consequence. It’s almost a cultural norm that Black children will receive and sometimes even dispense whoopin’s, which speaks to an authoritarian parenting style that many of us are familiar with.
The reasons behind this approach are hotly debated. Some argue it’s a remnant of slavery, while others believe it’s a misguided attempt to equip Black children for a world that can be unforgiving. It’s a chilling rationale, and while the intentions may be noble, I can’t help but think that inflicting pain on our children isn’t the solution.
It’s disheartening that many Black parents see discipline as synonymous with physical punishment. I’ve been guilty of this mindset myself. But research unequivocally shows that physical discipline is ineffective, often leading to unintended negative consequences. My own experiences as a strong-willed child made this painfully clear.
As a kid, I was often in trouble, primarily for talking too much. Sadly, the school system didn’t differentiate between minor misbehavior and more serious infractions. From an early age, I faced severe punishments, including paddling, which was the norm at my Southern kindergarten.
While it might seem I was merely reaping the consequences of my actions, a deeper look reveals that Black girls are disproportionately subjected to harsher punishments, making it clear that the odds were stacked against me. Despite receiving punishments at school and occasional spankings at home out of frustration, neither method curbed my behavior. I didn’t have a behavioral issue; I had an “under-stimulated in class” issue.
What I needed was someone who could see beyond my talkative nature and recognize my potential. Unfortunately, few educators rose to that challenge. Instead, I grew more rebellious, and once someone has used physical discipline on you, nothing else feels like a deterrent.
Now, decades later, I see the same strong-willed spirit in my son. I know that spanking him would be just as ineffective as it was for me. It’s challenging to parent in a way that defies the culture I grew up in, especially when I feel the judgment of other Southerners watching my every move.
Yet, I remain committed to finding ways to teach my children how to navigate racism and maintain respect without resorting to physical discipline. I’m not here to preach from a moral high ground; I’ve slipped into old habits at times. However, each instance reminds me why I’m dedicated to raising my children without hitting them. It takes intentional effort to parent differently.
I know I’m not alone in this journey. There are other Black parents striving to raise children who can withstand the harsh realities of racism without using violence. Every moment of frustration serves as a reminder that no one has the right to harm my children, not even me.
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Summary
Being Southern and Black comes with both cultural pride and challenges, particularly regarding the tradition of spanking children. While many parents believe physical discipline is necessary, research shows it is ineffective and often harmful. Instead, there are alternative methods to guide children through life’s challenges without resorting to violence.
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