During the chaotic early months of my daughter Ava’s life, it became clear to me that our family would remain a trio. I can still picture myself cradling my wailing newborn, turning to my partner and asking, “How did our friends manage this while raising toddlers?” Honestly, I’m still baffled by their superhuman capabilities.
As Ava has hit the toddler stage, the pressure from family and friends about expanding our family has ramped up. “When are you planning to have baby number two?” they ask, often before I even had a chance to adjust to motherhood. Now, with a two-year-old, I feel society’s mounting urgency to add another little one to the mix, and it’s overwhelming!
People often say, “Don’t you want your child to have a playmate?” or “What about having a sibling to lean on later?” While these notions sound appealing, my decision to stay in the “one and done” camp is based on numerous factors. Here are my top ten reasons:
- Exhaustion Level: Maxed Out
Both my partner and I work full-time jobs, and by the time we’ve prepared dinner and tucked Ava in for the night, we’re utterly spent. We typically find ourselves glued to our phones or the TV for an hour before collapsing into bed. The thought of sleepless nights with a newborn again? No, thank you. I admire those who tackle it a second time—they’re true warriors! - Sleep Deprivation? No Thanks!
If you’re familiar with the classic “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde,” then you can understand my transformation when I’m sleep-deprived. With adequate rest, I’m a reasonable human being, but without it, I become a grumpy version of myself. When Ava was a baby, my exhaustion reached such a peak that I sobbed to my partner, asking if we could return her to the hospital. I have zero desire to go down that road again. - Personal Hobbies Matter
I know this might sound radical, but I want a life outside of work and family! Society often pressures women to prioritize everyone else, and I refuse to follow that path. I love my family dearly, but I also need time for myself. I’ve recently delved into meditation and exploring my spirituality, which has been refreshing and uplifting. - Childcare Costs: A Nightmare
In California, I shell out over $1,000 monthly for part-time toddler care. Thankfully, our parents help out the other days, but adding another child would stretch our finances thin. We would have to cut back on family outings and fun activities, which isn’t appealing to me. - Superstitious About the Perfect Child
I’ve known many parents whose first child was such a joy that they felt secure enough to have another, only to find the second one was a handful. I’m not sure I have the patience for that kind of upheaval in my life. I’d rather not take any risks with the harmony we currently enjoy. - Missing My Partner
I can hardly remember the last time my husband and I enjoyed a date night. We need that connection, and adding another child would only complicate our chances for alone time. He’s an incredible guy, and I want to cherish our relationship—not just as parents, but as partners. - College Savings Are Daunting
I recently researched college expenses, and let me tell you, the numbers are shocking! Planning for my daughter’s future education is already daunting enough, and I know we could only realistically save for one child’s college fund. - Dreaming of Family Adventures
We want to create wonderful family memories through vacations, like exploring the Smithsonian or traveling abroad. These experiences are more feasible with one child; juggling costs for multiple kids could make those dreams out of reach. - Cherishing My Only Child Experience
I often wished to be an only child myself. My imagination flourished when I played solo, and I enjoyed the undivided attention of my parents. Those experiences shaped me into who I am today. - Life’s Uncertainties
As I’ve faced loss in my life, I sometimes wish for a sibling to share the burden of grief. However, the reality is, sibling relationships are unpredictable. My husband, for instance, is not particularly close to his siblings. There are no guarantees.
These ten points encapsulate why my husband and I have chosen to remain a family of three, which we affectionately call “the Three Musketeers.” While this path works for us, it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution. Families come in all shapes and sizes, and if you’re considering the “one and done” route, know that you have my support.
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In summary, my husband and I have decided that one child fits our lifestyle and values best. Embracing this choice allows us to focus on our family dynamics and individual aspirations.
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