Dear Parents of High School Seniors,
This isn’t another checklist of tasks you must tackle before your child heads off to college. Honestly, there are already plenty of those floating around, and they only made me feel more anxious. Instead, consider this a reassuring note: everything is going to be just fine, I promise.
Not long ago, I found myself in your shoes—okay, maybe curled up on my couch in a bit of a panic. As my son’s senior year drew to a close, I was consumed by a sense of dread. Dread about the changes ahead, dread about him becoming independent, and, truth be told, dread about him leaving my side. The thought of my child growing up and moving on was daunting.
The endless lists of things to accomplish before he left? Overwhelming! Did we do enough together? Had I prepared him adequately? Was I too involved or not involved enough? My son attended small private schools, and when he announced he wanted to attend Ohio State—one of the largest universities in the country—I was taken aback.
I could go on about my worries, but let me share this: countless nights during his senior year, I would lie awake, crying and praying that my anxiety wouldn’t overshadow the wonderful experiences ahead. I kept my struggles hidden, leaving the room to avoid my son seeing my tears.
Then came the day he was off to college. My once-confident child was moving sluggishly, lying on the couch with the dogs, lost in silence. I recognized that look on his face: dread. Had I unknowingly passed my insecurities onto him? I hugged him tightly, assuring him that everything would be great and that we needed to move forward. It hit me then—I had to be strong. This wasn’t about my feelings; it was about his journey. I flipped a mental switch, determined to keep my worries at bay as we drove together. And you know what? We cherished every moment.
That day was memorable: meeting his roommates and their families, picking up his football tickets, and watching his dad and stepdad work together on assembling furniture. As I watched him walk away, tears streamed down my face, but I also felt a sense of relief—this marked the start of a new chapter for both of us.
Lessons Learned
Now, as he wraps up his last final and prepares to come home for the summer, I’ve learned some important lessons about both him and myself:
- He’s an adult now. Decisions are no longer mine to make for him. He’s more independent than I ever imagined and handles his responsibilities without needing my constant reminders. It’s tough but essential for him to carve out his own path, even if that means learning the hard way.
- Our relationship has transformed but grown stronger. I’ve changed how I communicate with him. Instead of asking “Are you drinking?” I say, “How often do you drink?” This shift in approach has been a game changer. Because I assume he’s already doing things, he responds honestly. Some of his answers surprised me, but I kept my reactions in check. I’d rather know the truth, and if something truly concerned me, I would address it later in private. This approach has brought us closer together and fostered trust.
One thing I highly recommend is writing a letter. The night before he left for college, I penned a heartfelt note sharing thoughts I had never expressed before. I tucked it into his belongings for him to find later. He brought it up during a phone call, saying he really appreciated it—high praise from him! It felt good to leave nothing unsaid.
Ultimately, life is undeniably different now. But different doesn’t mean bad. While some days are tougher than others, I find joy in having authentic conversations with my adult son and realizing that I did a good job as a parent.
In closing, remember: as you navigate this exciting yet nerve-racking time, take a deep breath. Embrace the journey ahead.
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In summary, embark on this journey with an open heart, and cherish the moments that lie ahead.
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