Right now, my nine-year-old is having a meltdown. He’s in his room, wailing and sobbing because I asked him to tidy up the hallway after I caught him whacking a decorative wreath with a plastic sword. “I get that you’re upset,” I told him. “But your actions have consequences, and to show respect for our home, I need you to clean up.” His response? A symphony of screams and tears. I acknowledged his feelings but stood firm—he still had to tidy up.
In his distress, he accused me of being a meanie who didn’t care about him or respect him. I finally told him he could stay in his room until he was ready to express himself kindly and get to work. For a good fifteen minutes, he continued to scream—partly genuine, partly for show—until his dad intervened to help calm him down.
This is the reality of parenting a nine-year-old: a mix of toddler-like tantrums and the intellect of a much older child.
Despite the challenges, my son is truly a joy. We can engage in meaningful discussions about music, social issues, and other important topics. He has unique perspectives that I appreciate, and we share plenty of inside jokes. Yet, in many ways, he’s still my little boy. He often puts his clothes on backward, makes impulsive decisions—like grabbing his bike just as we’re about to leave—and sometimes forgets where he left his shoes. He even announces his bathroom needs with no hesitation, and at this moment, he’s pretending to be a Jedi Knight with his baby brother.
But here’s the twist: he believes he’s practically a teenager.
He insists on choosing his outfits daily, although his fashion sense leaves a lot to be desired. While he can be home alone for short spells, he thinks he should be in charge of his brothers, which is a trust I can’t quite extend yet. He reaches for books that are way beyond his age level, but then struggles to put away the ones he can actually read.
And let’s talk about backtalk. Oh boy, the backtalk.
I once thought that because we homeschooled our kids and limited their exposure to shows where clever kids mock adults, we would avoid this phase. Wrong. My nine-year-old has taken up backtalk like it’s a new hobby, and it all started this year. He grumbles about chores and snaps at simple questions. When it comes time to brush his hair, he responds with sarcasm. He’ll declare that both his dad and I are mean, and when we remind him not to be rude, he dramatically retorts, “BUT WILL YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME?!” It escalates until one of us needs to step back, often because he inherited my fiery temper.
It turns out this behavior is quite common among nine-year-olds; many of his friends’ parents report similar experiences.
He’s caught in a strange limbo between being a child and stepping into the world of adolescence. Half the time, he wants to engage in play with action figures or toy dinosaurs, while the other half finds him engrossed in media—everything from childhood favorites like Scooby-Doo to adult-themed shows like Doctor Who and The X-Files. Although I won’t allow him to watch certain shows because they might give him nightmares, he can spend hours reading about UFOs and cryptids. He loves the nostalgia of movies like The Monster Squad but also enjoys the lighter fare of The Lego Movie and Moana. His reading choices reflect this duality; he oscillates between diving into complex texts on mammalian evolution and simpler Level 1 books about Darth Vader. It’s a constant tug-of-war between the innocence of childhood and the allure of growing up.
At nine, life is a mixed bag. I have a true companion with whom I can discuss everything from social justice to pop culture, sharing jokes and insights. Yet, I also deal with the emotional upheavals that come with this age, like when he throws a fit over something trivial, such as letting the dogs inside. Living with him feels like navigating a volcano—its eruptions are unpredictable, and all we can do is ensure he’s fed, hydrated, and well-rested.
Caring for a nine-year-old is surprisingly similar to managing a two-year-old in many respects. If I survived those toddler years, I can surely handle this phase. At least now we can bond over our mutual love for David Bowie.
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Summary:
Parenting a nine-year-old can be both rewarding and challenging, marked by emotional upheavals reminiscent of toddler tantrums mixed with the intellect of a more mature child. The complexities of this age involve a constant negotiation between childhood innocence and the desire for independence, making it a rollercoaster of emotions and growth for both parent and child.
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