Parenting
Strong-Willed Children: Future Leaders in the Making
by Jamie Taylor
Updated: Sep. 20, 2023
Originally Published: May 20, 2023
Recently, I found myself in a heated debate with my four-year-old son, much like I often do. He wanted a peanut butter sandwich for lunch, while I insisted on grilled cheese. As I was pulling out the ingredients, I listened to my determined little guy firmly state his preference. For someone so young, he sure knows what he likes.
In a moment of frustration, I unintentionally uttered something I had heard my parents say to my older siblings when they displayed similar tenacity. “You’re being a little bossy today,” I remarked.
Without missing a beat, he placed his hands on his hips, looked me in the eye, and corrected me, saying, “I’m not bossy. I’m a leader.” It was a reminder of the very qualities we’ve been encouraging in him, and honestly, it caught me off guard.
I paused, considering my options as a parent. I could dig in my heels and enforce my authority over the lunch decision. After all, I was the parent, and it was my job to make the final call. I could easily squash his spirited assertion, especially since his older siblings were much more compliant.
But then I reflected on the kind of adult I want him to become. I aspire for him to be a leader—someone who stands up for themselves, speaks confidently, and navigates life with assertiveness. It’s true that demanding a specific lunch item isn’t quite the hallmark of strong leadership, but at just four years old, I can hardly expect him to exhibit all the traits of a seasoned leader.
What truly amazed me was his self-identification as a leader at such a young age. The courage he displayed to correct me after I had called him bossy was impressive. That’s exactly the kind of resilience I hope to nurture in him as he grows.
He’s our youngest, and the light-hearted joke around our house is that if he had been our first, he would have been our last. From the beginning, he has been unyielding and outspoken, the first to question authority and the only child who would look anyone in the face and say, “Nope.” While society often labels children like him as bratty or troublesome, what they really possess are qualities that, in adults, would be seen as passionate and determined.
Here’s the thing about strong-willed children: If we don’t stifle their spirit, they have the potential to grow into passionate, courageous, independent adults. They’ll be the ones who speak up in meetings and advocate for change. They’ll challenge the status quo, asking, “But have you considered it this way?”
As parents, we need to reframe our perception of their determination. I understand it’s a daily challenge; however, it’s essential to embrace these traits rather than diminish them.
Returning to that lunch standoff, I looked my son in the eye and realized how crucial it was for him to recognize himself as a leader. At my age, I still struggle to see myself in that light, yet here he was, confidently asserting his identity. Yes, there will be plenty of time to teach him the nuances of effective leadership, but in that moment, I chose not to assert my authority. Instead, I said, “You’re right. I apologize for calling you bossy. You are indeed a leader, and I’ll whip you up a peanut butter sandwich.”
His face lit up with satisfaction, and once his sandwich was prepared just the way he likes it, I sat down with him at the table and said, “Let’s discuss what being a good leader entails.”
This journey of nurturing strong-willed children is filled with opportunities for growth and understanding, both for them and for us.
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Summary
Strong-willed children often face mislabeling as bossy or troublesome, but these traits can cultivate future leaders. It’s essential for parents to recognize and nurture these qualities, allowing their children to grow into assertive and confident adults. By reframing our perspective, we can support their development into passionate individuals who stand up for themselves and others.
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