As I scrubbed dishes one evening, my partner, Jessica, entered the kitchen with her planner in hand, along with a few papers. “Did you realize the kids have two days off next month for fall break and teacher in-service?” she inquired.
“What? Didn’t we just start school? Why do they need a break already?” I replied incredulously.
She shrugged, waving the school calendar. “I’m not sure, but we need to look at the schedule for the year and figure out what to do when the kids are off.”
With a sigh, I finished the dishes and opened my calendar. Jessica flipped through her planner, and we began the tedious task of deciding who would take time off work to care for our three kids, who are still too young to be left alone. While they can sometimes occupy themselves, they lack the maturity and decision-making skills necessary for unsupervised time.
Throughout the academic year, there are unexpected days off, a half-day in March, and both winter and spring breaks to navigate. This doesn’t even include the inevitable sick days or other unexpected absences, such as when a child gets lice.
Even after we had chosen several days to be with our kids, we still faced about eight days needing coverage. Our options were limited: work from home—where accomplishing anything is nearly impossible with kids around—or pay for a day camp the school offers for vacation days. But if I can’t afford to take time off, I certainly can’t afford to pay for childcare while I work. Our options are solely based on the two of us, and it’s incredibly frustrating.
“I wonder how Mark and Lisa are managing their kids during winter break? Maybe we can swap days, and they can take ours for a bit,” Jessica suggested while texting her friends. Moments later, she sighed and showed me a message back from Lisa: “Grandma camp!”
“Must be nice,” I muttered, feeling a twinge of resentment. My kids don’t have grandparents nearby, and we lack family support. We don’t have anyone close enough to help unless they’re willing, which they aren’t.
I admit, I feel a bit envious when I hear other parents talk about how their relatives take the kids for an overnight so they can have a much-needed date night. Are we really all in this together? Because if that was the case, their family members would be stepping in to help us too. I don’t have the luxury of calling Mom or Dad when the kids have a day off from school or when I need a moment to breathe.
Of course, I want my friends to enjoy their time with family, but I can’t help but feel a little jealous when I hear them share stories about how their parents are coming to visit to help out during school breaks. It stings when my kids want to hang out with their friends, but those friends are off at Grandma’s house.
Jessica and I are left feeling isolated, as though we are the only ones without a support system. We smile politely as our friends plan vacations around school holidays, and we hold back our frustration when they mention family members visiting to lend a hand. We secretly grumble about the relief they experience, enjoying the benefits of having a safety net that we lack.
It would be incredible to have support that could ease the burden of parenting young children. I don’t merely feel resentful because I lack someone to care for my kids; I yearn for someone who can help shoulder the weight of everyday responsibilities. I want comfort, someone who recognizes the effort I’m putting in and offers assistance without strings attached.
Being a parent can feel overwhelming at times, and I find myself envious of friends who can easily reach out to their own parents for help, just as their kids do with us. If you’re interested in learning more about the intricacies of family support during parenting, check out this insightful post on home insemination and consider the invaluable resource provided by ACOG on treating infertility.
In summary, the struggle of parenting without nearby family support can leave parents feeling isolated and overwhelmed. While friends may enjoy the benefits of family assistance, those without such support often find themselves navigating the challenges of parenthood alone. It’s not just about needing help with the kids; it’s about the desire for relief from the weight of everyday responsibilities.
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