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By Jamie Elwood
Updated: Feb. 8, 2021
Originally Published: Feb. 8, 2021
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When my twins were babies, every little noise they made filled me with anxiety; sounds meant they needed something, and I was utterly drained from catering to their needs, along with those of their older sister, who was still in her toddler phase. The worst moments came at night when the babies would finally doze off, and I tried to grab some sleep myself. I knew they would wake up again in an hour, and the agony of waking up every hour or two until it was time to get ready for work was almost unbearable. The dread of being jolted awake was just as maddening as the actual disruptions. I often questioned if it was even worth trying to sleep. After about a year of this cycle, all three of my kids were more likely to sleep through the night, but I still vividly remember the disorienting, nauseating experience of rushing to assist them at all hours. Now, the pandemic has reignited those feelings. However, this time, it’s not sleep deprivation that’s the issue; it’s the noise pollution during their waking hours that is pushing me to my limits. The constant sounds from my children — even their happy noises — are making me feel “stabby.”
Like many parents, I’ve been with my children almost continuously since March. I’m thankful for a responsible school district that has managed to provide safe part-time in-person learning. I realize many parents lack that option, and I can’t imagine not getting a break. For me, it’s not just the ambient noise of others sharing the same space. I can tune that out like I did in those fancy pre-pandemic days when I could occasionally work from a coffee shop. What truly stresses me out to an irrational degree are the unpredictable bursts of shouting, crying, squealing, and loud music that I can neither anticipate nor control.
Learning that my reactions to the constant noise have a scientific basis made me feel slightly better about my urge to muffle my kids. Trevor Cox, an acoustics engineering professor, explains that our responses to sounds can be learned, and a lack of control can heighten our annoyance. “The most irritating sounds are those that disrupt whatever you’re trying to accomplish. For instance, while working from home, a neighbor’s DIY drilling might be the most unbearable sound.” Ding, ding, ding! The unpredictability of these noises, combined with the chaos of everything else, keeps me on edge. I find myself more sensitive to the sounds of traffic, airplanes, and snowplows. Even cheerful sounds can irritate me if they are too loud or abrupt. It seems I’m not alone in this; an informal poll I conducted on social media showed that many people are increasingly bothered by various sounds, particularly since being confined at home due to the pandemic.
Voices from the Community
The sound of my children laughing while they play can be joyful, but it often sends my brain into overdrive with thoughts of impending injury. – Mia, New York
People munching food has always been a trigger for me, but it’s become unbearable lately. – Leah, Ontario
Since the pandemic began, I long for silence because the house is always loud. The TV is constantly on, and someone is always talking. When I leave the house alone, I don’t even turn on the radio in the car. – Tom, Pennsylvania
My 9 and 10-year-olds seem to have reverted to toddler-like behavior. So now it’s all whiny kid noises, plus the incessant “mommy mom MOM” that has been non-stop for nearly 11 months. – Sarah, New York
Many of us already have misophonia, a condition that triggers strong reactions to certain sounds, especially those made by others. (This is also known as marriage, by the way.) We react strongly to someone chewing or crinkling a bag of chips because, besides interacting with our auditory system, sound can impact the amygdala and hippocampus. These brain regions influence our emotions, with the amygdala being particularly sensitive to crying or music. This explains why our emotional state can determine what sounds annoy us most, and why our reactions to the same song can vary from day to day.
It’s safe to say our collective emotional state is a dumpster fire, but I wanted to identify which sounds are pouring gasoline on the flames. My polling revealed (not surprisingly) that mouth sounds drive many of us nuts. Chewing, slurping, brushing teeth, whistling, humming, licking — think of dogs enthusiastically chewing on a toy filled with peanut butter — and scraping teeth on silverware can make us feel stabby. Repetitive sounds can be maddening too. Clicking pens, tapping feet, unanswered phones or alarms, ticking clocks, sniffing, snoring, coughing, and knuckle cracking can trigger feelings of rage. While these all made sense, I was surprised to discover that several friends find the sound of coins rubbing together or Styrofoam touching itself particularly aversive. The friction of those sounds makes some people feel nauseous.
David from Michigan says, “It’s not just ‘annoying’; it’s absolutely intolerable. The sound of Styrofoam touching itself or most surfaces is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. I can’t handle it.”
Interestingly, the sound of vomiting triggers a visceral reaction because the first step in our hearing process is located right next to the disgust center of our brain. This is a built-in defense mechanism to keep out toxins. Vomiting is a bad sign, prompting our brains to avoid whatever caused it. While I’m not suggesting our children or partners are toxic, it does seem our bodies react to their noises as if we’re trying to expel them from our presence.
The noise pollution has drained my creativity, patience, and desire to be around others. I feel somewhat reassured knowing I’m not alone in this struggle. It also helps to know that science backs up my strong reactions to sound. I’m working on not being outwardly irritable, but as Amy G. from Vermont aptly put it: “Our poor families. They can’t eat, breathe, practice good hygiene, do hobbies, play, fight, or sleep without driving us nuts.”
For further reading on this topic, check out this insightful piece from our other blog post here. Additionally, if you’re looking to boost your chances of conception, consider visiting Make a Mom for expert advice. For thorough information on pregnancy and home insemination, Women’s Health offers excellent resources.
Search Queries:
- How to manage noise pollution at home
- Tips for parents dealing with noisy children
- Effects of sound on mental health
- Strategies for finding peace during chaotic times
- Understanding misophonia and its triggers
In summary, the constant noise from our children during this pandemic has driven many parents to their limits. The unpredictability of sounds, even joyful ones, can create feelings of irritation and anxiety. Scientific explanations for our heightened sensitivity to noise provide some comfort, while shared experiences remind us that we are not alone in our struggles.
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