This past weekend, my partner and I attended a family wedding sans our children. While our eldest is now a middle schooler who could manage at home alone, our youngest still needs supervision, making it a challenge to arrange childcare amidst our hectic schedules.
Reflecting on past experiences, it’s clear that getting away used to be far more complicated. In the early days, finding a babysitter was only half the battle. Even if we secured one, the chaos that often ensued during bedtime routines could lead to sleepless nights and cranky kids for days afterward. Budget constraints further complicated our ability to hire help. And when our children were in the breastfeeding stage, leaving them was nearly impossible. The thought of asking someone else to care for them felt overwhelming, knowing they would likely be fussy and refuse a bottle.
An encounter with my partner’s cousin at the wedding reminded me of these challenges. I noticed his sister, who has a toddler, was absent. When I expressed my support for her, he offered an apologetic explanation about how difficult it is to attend events with a young child. I quickly assured him that no one owes an explanation for their absence.
This exchange sparked a realization: why is there an expectation to justify why parents of young children miss events? No parent should ever feel obligated to explain their absence, especially when it comes to gatherings where kids may not be welcome.
From birth until around age five (and even beyond, as every child is unique), there should be no assumptions made about a parent’s ability to attend events. Even if children are invited, logistical challenges like bedtime or travel can complicate attendance. Parents will naturally assess what’s possible, particularly for significant life events.
It’s crucial to recognize the judgment that often comes from others. Many individuals, especially those without young children, may underestimate how demanding parenting can be. They may not realize that many parents don’t have the luxury of readily available babysitters or the financial means to hire one. Juggling work, household responsibilities, and childcare is no small feat.
Therefore, I propose that parents of young children receive a “free pass” from attending events unless they can do so comfortably. There should be no questions asked about their absence; simply understanding that parenting responsibilities can be overwhelming is enough.
When someone learns that a parent with young children cannot attend a function, the response should be, “Of course, they can’t come; they have a little one to care for.” Simple as that.
For further insights on navigating parenting and events, check out this related article from our blog here. If you’re looking for resources on fertility and home insemination, Make a Mom offers great tools, and Science Daily provides excellent information on fertility topics.
In summary, parents of young children should feel empowered to prioritize their family needs without feeling pressured to justify their choices regarding attending events. Society must accept that parenting is a demanding role that often requires sacrifices, and understanding that is crucial.
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