What is it about expectant mothers and newborns that seems to make people forget their manners? One mom shares a quick guide on what comments are simply off-limits.
I genuinely believe that most people don’t intend to be rude, yet they can sometimes say things that come off as inconsiderate—especially around new mothers and those expecting. Even well-meaning friends can sometimes fail to realize how their words can resonate, or how seemingly innocent inquiries can have a more profound impact than they realize.
For instance, during my pregnancy, a close friend jokingly called both me and his wife “pot-bellied pigs.” He certainly didn’t mean to offend; he has a good heart and would have been upset to know he hurt my feelings. It was just that his comment about us resembling farm animals wasn’t the most tactful choice. After I expressed how I felt, he was genuinely remorseful.
That said, not everyone is as innocent. Some people genuinely aim to belittle new or expectant mothers. As Madeleine Albright famously quoted, “There’s a special place in hell” for those individuals. I’ve pondered why some women feel the need to judge other mothers, and I think it often stems from a desire to justify their own parenting decisions by critiquing those who make different choices. While it doesn’t excuse their behavior, it does provide some insight.
Before becoming a parent, I too would ask questions like, “How long did it take you to conceive?” or “When are you planning for a second child?” In retrospect, I realize these questions might have been inappropriate. In today’s sensitive climate, we need to remember that mothers deserve our empathy and respect. They are often overwhelmed and exhausted, so let’s be mindful of our words.
Here are six comments that should always be avoided when talking to new or expectant moms:
- Don’t comment on a pregnant woman’s size. Remarks like “Are you sure you’re not having twins?” or “You look ready to burst!” can be hurtful. Also, trying to guess due dates can lead to awkward moments when the response is “No, I still have months to go.”
- Avoid questioning feeding choices. Comments like “Aren’t you breastfeeding?” can be intrusive. Every mother’s journey is unique, and it’s essential to respect their choices.
- Skip the unsolicited advice. Statements like “You should try this!” or “I did it this way” can often come off as condescending.
- Don’t ask about baby names. Questions like “What are you naming your baby?” can create unnecessary pressure.
- Stay away from comparisons. Phrases such as “My cousin had a much easier time” can be discouraging.
- Avoid asking about future plans. Questions like “When are you having your next child?” can be sensitive.
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In summary, choosing our words carefully around expecting and new mothers can foster a more supportive environment. Let’s strive to be kind and considerate, ensuring our comments uplift rather than diminish.
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