On the evening following Thanksgiving, we embarked on a journey to witness the dazzling Christmas lights. The destination was a 45-minute drive away, luring us with its promise of four million twinkling lights spread across a two-mile park path. What follows is an account of our nearly three-hour odyssey to begin that short stroll—an epic saga of endurance, resilience, and the quest for holiday magic, all narrated in my mind.
Wow, it took us 45 minutes to get here! But that’s totally okay. The memories we’ll create will be worth it. Our first Christmas adventure of the season! It’s going to be fantastic. I guess we’ll just sit in this traffic for a bit. Time to crank up the holiday tunes!
After what feels like an eternity, the cars are barely inching forward. But it’s alright—I have pretzels. If this goes on much longer, I’ll be breaking them out.
To pass the time, we start playing “Guess the Character.” My seven-year-old describes Dumbo as, “He’s a boy with a really long front tail.” I stifle a laugh and manage to keep my composure. (That’s what she said.)
Suddenly, it hits me: there are porta-potties lining the road. They must have anticipated the wait. Oh dear God, what have we gotten ourselves into?
Evie has cycled through crying, laughing, whining, and crying again—all within a minute.
Looks like we live here now. That’s fine. We can send out holiday cards and change of address announcements at the same time. It’s adorable when people do that.
The mood in the car swings from joy to chaos reminiscent of a survival movie. To make the most of this time, I’ve mentally assembled a dream team of household staff. Tony Danza would be our charming nanny, with Sookie St. James as our gourmet chef and Mr. Belvedere as our butler.
And for our driver? None other than David Hasselhoff in the iconic Knight Rider car, KITT.
Tensions are rising among my family members. As the matriarch, I remain resolute, determined to model positivity amid the rising negativity.
There’s no way I’m sharing the pretzels I have stashed away.
If I hear one more rendition of “Jingle Bell Rock,” I swear I’ll launch my iPhone at that inflatable Snoopy.
Mary delivered baby Jesus in a barn without any pain relief after a long journey on a donkey. Surely, I can wait in this line, right? Ugh, Santa’s not my favorite.
My husband points at a single lit house in a dark neighborhood, trying to convince the girls that it’s the light show. I could see them considering his fib.
I’ve started picking potential allies for this wait. My selections are as follows:
- The family in the cargo van—it reminds me of the Von Trapp family. They can turn mundane moments into catchy songs and can escape tricky situations with ease. I can totally see them making us matching bandanas from car seat fabric.
- The group in the Hummer limo, because I’ll need a place to rest while others strategize. Plus, it likely has snacks—no alliance is complete without them.
- The bearded guy in the dented car; we’re going to need that kind of tough spirit.
“Santa Baby” is on repeat. We get it—so seductive.
At this point, anyone who brought a date is in a common-law marriage due to the wait.
Suddenly, police lights flash behind us! Is this a rescue? A Christmas miracle?
But alas, the police are here to create a second lane, allowing those who haven’t waited to merge in. My husband looks shattered by this injustice, muttering, “None of this makes sense.”
The Christmas music is starting to sting. Everything feels challenging. I miss my carefree life.
Wait! The line is moving! We’re actually progressing! Sweet mother of all that is holy, we’re moving! I promise never to take traffic-free driving for granted again. I’m going to live my life more generously—you never know when you might get stuck in standstill traffic again.
Wow, these lights are stunning. Just look at our happy kids. This night of family bonding will be a cherished memory. We nailed it. I love this family. Christmas truly is magical.
We are definitely doing this again next year.
And that, dear friends, is what the holiday season encapsulates—a blend of struggle and sheer joy, with just enough forgetfulness to allow us to relive it year after year. For more insights on the journey to parenthood, check out this excellent resource. If you’re considering your options, you might find this home insemination kit useful as well. For those curious about mushrooms, don’t miss our post on home insemination.
Summary:
A family’s journey to view Christmas lights turns into a comedic struggle filled with long waits, unexpected challenges, and a mix of emotions. Through the chaos, they create lasting memories, showcasing the essence of the holiday spirit—a combination of joy and perseverance that they will cherish for years to come.
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