When I first saw those two pink lines on my pregnancy test, I was taken aback. After confirming with a second test, a wave of joy washed over me. For the first time, my body gave me unexpected good news. Although no doctor had diagnosed me with infertility, my chronic illness had instilled a belief that I was too fragile for motherhood. Little did I know, pregnancy would become a pivotal moment in my journey toward self-acceptance and love.
From a young age, I battled asthma, eczema, and numerous allergies. My mother was constantly on guard, trying to protect me from my body’s unpredictability. With gloves to prevent me from scratching, breathing machines, and a stockpile of antihistamines, I never felt completely safe in my own skin. I often thought that motherhood would be out of reach for someone like me.
So, when I discovered I was pregnant, I felt a mix of relief and excitement, rather than fear about the challenges associated with being a Black woman during pregnancy. I couldn’t wait to share my news with my mother, but her reaction was more cautious than I anticipated. “You have to be careful,” she urged. “Pregnancy can put a lot of stress on your body.” Her concerns were valid; studies show that a significant number of pregnant women with asthma experience complications. Moreover, Black women face higher maternal health risks.
Yet, for the first time, I reassured her, “I’ll be fine, Mom. Don’t worry.” Surprisingly, I actually believed it.
As I navigated my pregnancy, I reflected on my past and how I had learned to manage my allergies and skin conditions through lifestyle changes. However, accepting my scars from eczema was still a challenge. It was during my pregnancy that I began to see my body in a new light. By the second trimester, as I noticed changes like fuller breasts and a radiant glow, I felt a transformation, both physically and emotionally. I started to embrace my body, flaws and all.
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Summary
My pregnancy journey, despite my chronic illnesses, led to a newfound love for my body. What began as anxiety transformed into confidence and self-acceptance, allowing me to embrace the changes that come with motherhood.
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