By: Maya Johnson
“Do you ever wish I had a sibling?” my mother asked me one afternoon.
“No, not at all. Do you feel guilty for not giving me a brother or sister?” I replied.
This exchange happened when I was already in my 30s and had a child of my own. My parents chose to have just one child—me—deciding against a second when I was around five years old. It was a choice that worked well for our family, so I was surprised that my mother questioned it decades later.
Let’s be clear: parents are not obligated to provide their child with a sibling. Regardless of what you may believe, children can thrive without one.
I remember being asked if I wanted a little brother or sister when I was in kindergarten. Oddly, it was always framed as needing a brother. I fixated on the notion for a time, but when my parents said they couldn’t guarantee that, I assured them I was fine as I was. I never looked back with regret.
Parents with a single child often face an onslaught of inquiries about expanding their families. As a mother to one, I’ve been asked repeatedly if I plan to have more kids. Sometimes I brush it off with humor; other times I candidly share my current intentions which do not include another child.
“But he needs a sibling,” they insist.
However, I firmly believe that my son doesn’t require a sibling—he is perfectly content as an only child. In fact, he has made it abundantly clear that he does not want a brother or sister. When we encountered a former classmate whose mother was pregnant, I asked my son if he wanted a baby sibling. His response was emphatic: “No! I don’t want to share you!”
If you’re contemplating having another child solely because you think your child needs a sibling, have a conversation with them. Children often know what they want, and you might be surprised to learn that they are quite happy with their current situation. Sure, there may be fleeting moments where they wish for a sibling, but these feelings usually pass quickly, just like the notion that a sibling might remedy all their problems.
While being an only child can sometimes feel lonely, that alone is not a sufficient reason to have another child. This is where playdates and social activities come into play. Enroll your child in after-school programs or take them to community playgroups where they can interact with peers. As a child, I made friends through dance classes and neighborhood games. If my son needs to socialize, I take him to local parks or play spaces.
Only children often develop exceptional creativity as a result of their unique circumstances. Without a sibling to rely on, they learn to invent their own games and stories. My son often immerses himself in imaginative worlds with his toys, whether it’s LEGOs or trains.
I can attest that most only children do not dwell on the absence of siblings. In fact, many I know appreciate being only children. While having siblings can seem appealing, it can also come with its own set of challenges. My mother’s guilt likely stems from her own experiences with her siblings, who provided her with many fond childhood memories but also complicated adult relationships.
It’s important to recognize that not all sibling relationships are harmonious. While some siblings maintain close bonds throughout their lives, others may struggle to connect. Parents often hope for a nurturing sibling relationship but may overlook the fact that their children might not get along. If you truly desire more children, that’s perfectly okay. However, having another child solely out of a sense of obligation to provide a sibling isn’t a sound rationale.
Consider how you will feel if you have another child and they don’t get along. It’s challenging to explain to your first child that they have a sibling because societal expectations dictated that it was necessary. Not everyone is suited to sibling dynamics, and not all sibling relationships unfold as idealized.
Ultimately, you are not indebted to your child for a sibling. Don’t allow external pressures to influence your choices. Positive sibling relationships are not guaranteed. Reflect on your motivations and ensure that any decision to expand your family is genuinely what you want. Your only child will likely appreciate your decision in the long run.
For further insights, check out this post on home insemination or visit Healthline for excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination. Moreover, if you’re exploring ways to conceive, you might find Make a Mom’s information invaluable.
In summary, the decision to have another child should be based on personal desire rather than external expectations. Children can thrive as only children, and fostering their social skills through other means is entirely viable.
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