Sometimes, it takes a complete unraveling to help you stitch yourself back together. Six weeks ago, I found myself grappling with intense, mysterious pain in my eye, which was later diagnosed as viral keratitis. Just days after that, I noticed a rash of itchy, painful blisters spreading across my forehead and scalp. After multiple consultations with healthcare professionals, I finally received the shocking news: shingles.
Typically associated with older individuals or those with weakened immune systems, shingles can also strike younger people under severe stress and sleep deprivation—two conditions I had been juggling for far too long. This diagnosis was nothing short of a wake-up call.
Reflecting on 2019
Reflecting on 2019, I can say it was both fulfilling and challenging. In January, our precious daughter was born, bringing joy to our family. She’s delightful—playful and generally cheerful. However, she has faced numerous health hurdles, from tongue and lip ties to dairy intolerance, reflux, and weight gain issues. As her primary caregiver, I’ve navigated countless medical appointments, all while trying to maintain a bond with my three-year-old son.
Having a partner who shares responsibilities has been vital, yet I find myself utterly exhausted, more than I’ve ever been. Since the birth of my first child in 2016, I’ve felt like I’ve been in constant “survival mode.” While this may seem typical of new parenting, I’ve started to feel like I’m losing pieces of myself. The spiritual connection I once had has faded, leaving me feeling indifferent and unhappy, especially during those quiet moments after the kids are asleep, when I finally have time to think.
Feeling Isolated
This struggle has left me feeling isolated. I often grapple with the question—who can I confide in about these feelings? I don’t even remember what my interests are anymore, making it hard to connect with others.
My inability to address my own physical and emotional needs has taken a toll on me and those around me. While I try to shield my children from this inner turmoil, I wonder how long I can keep this up. The reality is that my husband is also affected by my struggles. He might be feeling similar pressures, though perhaps he’s managing to mask them better than I can.
Looking Ahead
Looking ahead, I am determined to make 2020 a year of personal growth and self-discovery. It’s essential for me to reconnect with the activities that ground me, allowing my inner strength to resurface. Right now, my light feels dim, teetering on the edge of flickering out.
Instead of rigidly pursuing a list of goals, I aim to let my heart guide me toward what ignites my passion. I will explore the paths where my light shines brightest, leading me toward fulfillment. If you’re also on a journey of self-exploration, consider checking out resources like Kindbody for insights on pregnancy and home insemination, or discover helpful tips and recipes on this blog. For those interested in self-insemination methods, Make A Mom provides excellent guidance.
Conclusion
In summary, my experience with shingles has been a crucial reminder to prioritize my well-being. As I embark on this journey of rediscovery, I hope to reignite the light within me and find joy in the moments that matter most.
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