It’s a given—venturing out to the store with even just half of my nine children draws a mix of curious glances and unsolicited comments from onlookers, both kind-hearted and not-so-much. Some folks are genuinely inquisitive, while others think they’re being witty. As if I’m oblivious to the subtle digs or passive-aggressive remarks.
Taking four or five of my kids anywhere often feels like a circus—both for me and everyone else around. I realize that seeing a single person with so many children can spark intrigue, annoyance, or even a bit of admiration. Honestly, my kids are incredibly adorable.
I frequently find myself stopped by strangers, and it’s the same old remarks time and again. Yes, I’m busy and my hands are full. Yes, I know how babies are made, and while it’s none of your concern, yes, they all share the same father.
Let me clarify: honest inquiries, misguided jokes, and genuine curiosity don’t irritate me. Even when they become repetitive, I’m usually open to chatting about my large family. I’m not the type to get flustered by snarky comments, even after being approached for the tenth time while trying to manage a cranky toddler. I can brush off the worried looks and sideways stares.
However, there are two matters I will mentally contest because people often don’t grasp the impact of their words.
1. Please Stop with the Pity
I don’t want to hear comments like, “You poor thing, I hope those kids give you a break,” or “I could never handle that many; I’d go insane.” My children are not a burden that you should feel sorry for. I don’t want them to believe they’re anything less than what I’ve always desired in my life.
Don’t make it sound like my kids are something I need relief from while they’re right there beside me.
Sure, I’m often exhausted and running on empty like any other mom. Yes, taking kids shopping isn’t exactly a spa day. By the time we step inside, I’m already feeling drained. But I never want my children to think, even for a moment, that they’re the source of my stress or that I’d be better off without them. Kids are perceptive; they pick up on what’s said and carry it with them. They don’t want to be the reason for their mom’s weariness or sadness.
Life can be overwhelming. Adulting is especially draining. I’d be in a frenzy whether I had kids or not—who isn’t busy? I’m no superhero; I’m merely doing what anyone else would do, likely with less finesse because I’m not the most organized person. I get things done, but not always effectively.
To anyone who thinks they’d lose their sanity with a bunch of kids? You wouldn’t! You’d cherish each one more than anything. Each child adds a unique richness to your life that you wouldn’t want to miss. You’d endure the tough times because that’s just what mothers do. It’s like labor; you push through because you have to, even when it’s painful. Then, as if by magic, all that discomfort fades when you hold that little person in your arms.
I’m a better person because of my kids, not in spite of them. Every ounce of exhaustion is worth it, and I wouldn’t trade this life for anything. If you still feel the need to pity me, just keep it to yourself.
2. Keep Your Opinions to Yourself
It’s not acceptable to assume that people need your opinions on their family size. Couples without children face the same barrage of questions as larger families: “When will you start trying for a baby?” “Don’t wait too long; your biological clock is ticking.” “You’d make a fantastic mother! You should have kids!”
For some, these inquiries can be deeply painful. Many women long to become mothers and are faced with the heartache of negative pregnancy tests each month. They smile and carry on, masking their grief and determination until someone makes a thoughtless comment that can trigger a flood of emotions: fear, disappointment, anger, and sorrow.
Others may choose to delay having children or decide against parenthood altogether due to health, financial, or personal reasons. But here’s the catch: other people’s opinions should not factor into that choice.
If you see a mom with kids, whether she has one or ten, assume she loves them and offer a warm smile or kind word to her and her children. If you can’t muster that up, just walk on by and pretend you don’t see them.
If you encounter a woman without kids, remember that you have no idea what battles she may be facing. Hold back your unsolicited advice on why she should have children.
Life is complicated enough without judgment from bystanders. Let’s choose to extend grace instead of projecting personal preferences onto each other.
In summary, navigating life as a mother of nine brings both joy and challenges. It’s important to recognize the impact of our words on others, whether they are parents or not. Let’s celebrate and support each other in our choices, whatever they may be.
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