By: Sarah Lane
Last week, I received a call from my son’s school, and my heart sank as I recognized the number. Instantly, my body tensed, and my hands grew clammy.
From the moment he entered the world, my son has been a whirlwind of energy. He arrived with a scream and, once he gained strength, he began expressing his frustrations by tossing furniture in his room. While his father is the definition of laid-back and my other children are generally well-behaved, I, the anxious parent, don’t resort to anger or disrespect. Yet, my son seems to thrive on chaos.
In group settings, he struggles to keep his behavior in check. He seeks attention and acts impulsively, often refusing to back down until he gets what he wants. Weekly calls from the school have become a norm, and I’m still grappling with the reality of it. Just recently, I learned that my son thought throwing an apple down the stairs would be a fun idea during class change. He’s already on the “no pass” list, meaning he can’t leave class unsupervised due to his prior antics.
His day ends with a behavior report signed by his teachers, who rate him on a scale from one to four. A tardy arrival automatically lands him in detention during the brief free time allotted to his class.
My partner and I have met with his teachers multiple times this year, brainstorming strategies to guide him in the right direction. We sit together for an hour, hoping for breakthroughs, but nothing seems to stick. “Did he hurt anyone?” is my first question when I receive these calls. If the answer is no, I can breathe a little easier. However, I know the pattern: he’ll behave for a while, then revert back to his old ways.
I strive to support his teachers and have discussions with him as soon as we get home. I’ve implemented consequences like taking away screen time and limiting social interactions, but these measures haven’t proven effective.
Dealing with a child who constantly misbehaves is exhausting. You can’t just give a consequence and expect it to disappear; you know that behavior will resurface. I often drop him off at school, reminding him, “I have a lot on my plate today; please don’t make me regret this.”
When the school calls, I feel a surge of anger. It’s the kind of simmering frustration that stays with me, making it hard to stay calm. I teach my kids about not caring what others think, yet I can’t shake the concern about how my son’s behavior impacts other children and their families. It’s maddening because he doesn’t realize that his actions affect not only him but also me and other parents navigating this journey.
Being the parent of “that” kid isn’t just about worrying about day-to-day behavior; it’s about the long-term implications for their future. I find myself pondering whether he’ll outgrow this phase and how his actions might hinder his opportunities. The fear of him losing friends due to his behavior weighs heavily on my mind.
At this point, I feel like I’ve exhausted all options. I’ve tried strict consequences, nurturing approaches, therapy, adjusted diets, and quality time, yet the motivation for change seems elusive. Despite being loved, cared for, and having friends, he often appears indifferent to the repercussions of his actions. I can only hope that he finds a way to change his behavior before something drastic occurs.
For more insights on navigating parenting challenges, check out our other post here.
In summary, parenting a child who seems to be in a perpetual state of rebellion can be overwhelming and often leaves one feeling helpless. While you try various strategies, the concern for their future and the impact of their behavior is always at the forefront of your mind.
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