When I was a young teenager, my grandfather was diagnosed with a severe illness right before the holidays, which left him with a weakened immune system. My mom emphasized how crucial it was to keep germs away from him during this vulnerable time. She made it clear that something as trivial as a cold for me could have grave consequences for him. I was instructed to be meticulous about hand hygiene, wear a mask around him, and refrain from touching my face while in his presence.
As an anxious adolescent, I took these warnings seriously. I found myself frequently excusing myself from class to wash my hands. I often chose to eat lunch alone if anyone nearby showed signs of illness, and my sleepless nights were filled with worry about germs. This obsession with cleanliness led to my hands becoming dry and cracked, only heightening my anxiety.
Fast forward to today, and with the COVID-19 pandemic in full swing, I’m experiencing a resurgence of that germaphobic anxiety.
Understanding Germaphobia
There’s a distinction between being a neat freak and a germaphobe. Neat freaks desire a spotless environment, while germaphobes obsessively seek to disinfect everything around them. While I wouldn’t label myself a neat freak—especially with four kids running around—I do identify as a germaphobe, and this current season is particularly challenging for individuals like me.
I’m not overly anxious about my immediate family contracting the virus; if we were to get COVID-19, we are generally healthy enough to recover. However, my concern is primarily for vulnerable individuals like my elderly neighbor, who has recently undergone major heart surgery. He faces significant risks from the virus, and it’s those at-risk groups that weigh heavily on my mind.
I refuse to be careless about the severity of this virus, so I’ve turned to an obsessive routine: wash, disinfect, bleach, repeat. This is, of course, what is recommended during this pandemic, but for someone with germaphobic tendencies, it’s more than just a precaution—it’s a source of immense anxiety.
The New Normal
Typically, I might go a bit overboard about germs during cold and flu season, but the stakes feel higher now. It’s not just about washing hands and avoiding crowds. It’s lying awake at night, worrying if my children did a thorough job washing their hands. It’s visiting the grocery store armed with sanitizer and using it repeatedly, then arriving home and doing it all over again. It’s meticulously cleaning the packaging of my groceries before I even touch them. It’s a whirlwind of “what if” scenarios that invade my thoughts and disrupt my peace.
I’m aware that some of my behaviors might seem irrational, but they stem from a genuine concern for others’ well-being. During this pandemic, there seem to be two camps of people: those who downplay the seriousness of COVID-19 and those who are acutely aware of its potential dangers to the vulnerable. Sharing my worries often results in mixed reactions; some may view my anxiety as excessive, yet it comes from a place of deep care.
Empathy and Understanding
Everyone is grappling with their own unique challenges during this stressful time. Some are struggling to make ends meet while working from home, while others are on lockdown due to underlying health issues like asthma or diabetes, which heighten their risk. For individuals like me, the anxiety is amplified by the uncertainty surrounding this new virus.
It’s essential to recognize that while someone’s struggle may look different from our own, it doesn’t diminish its validity. We’re all navigating our own paths through this crisis. Calmness is key, but perhaps a little kindness toward one another would go a long way.
Resources for Support
For more insights on navigating these times, check out this helpful post on home insemination kit and visit Make a Mom for expert advice on fertility journeys. Additionally, Healthline offers valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
The COVID-19 pandemic has intensified my longstanding germaphobia, rooted in childhood experiences of caring for vulnerable family members. My anxiety has escalated as I find myself obsessively disinfecting and worrying about the health of those around me, especially the elderly and immunocompromised. While my fears may seem irrational to some, they stem from a genuine concern for others’ well-being. During these challenging times, it’s essential to extend kindness and understanding to one another.
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