I find myself in tears, and it’s barely 9:00 AM. The reason? Well, it may seem trivial to some. I just dropped my kids off at school, and true to form, they got to choose the music for our ride. Today, it was all about Moana. Of course, they insisted on hearing the entire soundtrack. By the time the last kiddo exited the car, I absentmindedly continued humming along to the last few songs while navigating my way to the pediatric clinic.
Then, the song “Know Who You Are” plays—the one where Moana restores the heart to Te Ka, unveiling the beautiful island of Te Fiti. As I listen, I can’t help but tear up.
“I have crossed the horizon to find you,” Moana sings.
“I know your name.
They have stolen the heart from inside you
But this does not define you
This is not who you are
You know who you are.”
Those lyrics hit me hard. For so long, it felt as though my oldest daughter was lost amid the struggles of severe colic as a baby (which coincided with my own postpartum depression). She faced challenges with potty training, sleep, and emotional regulation, often lashing out when overwhelmed. From her very first month, she battled what I now recognize as severe anxiety.
My partner and I sought guidance from her pediatrician and mental health specialists. We underwent tests, tried occupational therapy, and even explored the possibility of autism. We consulted numerous coaches and child psychologists. It often felt like we were fighting an uphill battle to hold our family together while supporting her.
At times, her anxiety seemed to overshadow her true self, while we caught glimpses of the creative spirit who deeply cares and loves to read and express herself. In her best moments, she radiates joy—singing, dancing, and engaging in imaginative play with her sister. Yet those moments were often clouded by anxiety, turning even minor situations into significant distress.
As a pediatrician, I’m well aware that children can struggle with emotional regulation, but my daughter’s situation was distinct. There were countless nights spent sitting against her bedroom door, listening to her rage over minor setbacks or fears that consumed her. I held her close, wishing for the day she could break free from the anxiety that held her captive.
With time, I noticed her younger sister exhibiting more emotional maturity, calmly comforting her sibling during meltdowns. After observing a family in my clinic whose six-year-old began anti-anxiety medication, we decided to consult a psychiatrist for our daughter. It felt daunting to consider medication, yet we were exhausted and couldn’t continue down the same path.
Within two weeks of starting medication, I noticed improvements. Although she still exhibited six-year-old behavior, her emotional lows became less intense. She began to face challenges with more resilience.
Through this journey, we continue to prioritize her therapy and support. We maintain a structured bedtime, ensure she eats regularly, and avoid activities that could overwhelm her. Now she’s even able to articulate her feelings—like when she describes how a crowded holiday performance makes her “heart buzz and tummy feel funny” instead of reacting with anger.
If you find yourself in a similar situation with your child, remember that these struggles don’t define them. If they’re young, seek support for yourself while navigating their needs. Gather information and consult professionals; a pediatrician’s office can be a great starting point. For older children, consider having open conversations to understand their behaviors better.
Children are always looking for us to help them uncover their true selves. They long for reassurance that, despite the challenges, we see and recognize who they really are.
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In summary, when your child is struggling, it’s crucial to seek professional help to support their mental health. Remember, your child’s challenges don’t define them; they are simply part of their journey.
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