COVID-19 has transformed from a distant concern to an immediate reality, impacting the lives of those around us. The tide of loss is rising, accompanied by RIP posts on social media and emails bearing heartbreaking news. As collective sorrow grows, it’s essential to understand that grief is often mischaracterized in our society. It goes beyond mere sadness or missing a loved one’s voice; it is a profound experience that intertwines with your very being. Grief becomes a part of your identity, but don’t let that discourage you — this is simply a part of life.
I’m not a grief expert. However, since my husband passed away two years ago, I’ve been navigating this turbulent sea as a young widow. Here’s my personal take on grief:
Grief is a series of waves.
You may hear that grief comes in waves, but in the beginning, it can feel more like a tidal wave crashing over you. Those overwhelming feelings will eventually ebb, though they will return—often unexpectedly, triggered by a song or even moments of silence. Over time, the intervals between these waves will grow longer.
You couldn’t have changed the outcome.
In the early days of mourning, I was caught in a spiral of “what if” scenarios, questioning my actions. Even if you could pinpoint a moment that might have altered the course of events (which is nearly impossible), you cannot rewind time. Challenge yourself to recognize these thoughts as exhausting and grant yourself the grace to let them go.
Your loved one knew your love.
Even if your last conversation wasn’t a declaration of love, they felt it. Your affection enriched their life in countless ways. Remember, it’s the accumulation of moments and words that truly matter, not just the last ones.
The world may feel shattered.
Yes, it does. But remember, it can be rebuilt. It may not look the same, and there will be gaps, yet sometimes those gaps allow for more light to shine through.
The first laugh will catch you off guard.
You might feel guilt for laughing, but don’t. Laughter indicates resilience and strength within your heart and spirit.
Brace for those first significant days.
Anniversaries and special occasions can feel like a fresh wound. That first one might bring back waves of grief, but know that you’re not starting over; you are evolving. Allow yourself to take a step back if you need it—this feeling is temporary.
There’s no remedy for grief.
Believe me, I’ve searched for a cure for two years. The only solution is to acknowledge grief in all its forms, whether in moments of despair or joy. Accepting grief is part of being human; it signifies that you loved deeply.
Grief is unique to everyone.
Each person experiences grief differently, so there’s no right or wrong way to navigate it. Whether you find it hard to get out of bed or become more disciplined with your routine, remember that it’s your grief, and it’s valid. Just as you cannot dictate how others should mourn, they cannot dictate your process either.
You might feel defined by your grief.
After a significant loss, it can seem like that is all people see in you. But your vibrant qualities still exist; they may even shine brighter now.
Strength varies.
Your strength will manifest differently on various days. Sometimes it is simply getting out of bed, while other days, it’s tackling a full to-do list. No matter the day, you are strong enough.
Values and relationships may shift.
What once felt crucial may fade, while what seemed trivial may grow in importance. You’ll find unexpected allies and some who drift away. Cherish those who remain by your side.
Life is divided into before and after.
This division can evoke sadness, as it marks a painful change in your life narrative. Yet, over time, that divide becomes less jagged, much like a scar that eventually fades.
You may mourn your former self.
You might grieve the person who existed before your loss, blissfully unaware of how heavy grief could be. Acknowledge that person, but also recognize the strength and achievements of the new you.
The world will appear altered.
This change can be challenging, yet amid the chaos, moments of peace may emerge—like a sunrise breaking through clouds. Embrace those fleeting instances.
I’m not a grief specialist, just a young widow finding my way through this journey. I hope my experiences resonate with you. For more resources on this topic, visit this insightful blog post or check out this reputable site for information on pregnancy and home insemination. If you’re interested in fertility tools, consider this authority on artificial insemination kits.
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