Nearly eight years ago, while expecting my second child, I unknowingly contracted a virus. The moment our son entered the world, we discovered the virus had resulted in brain damage.
The shock and guilt my husband and I felt were overwhelming when we learned about our son’s disabilities, including his inability to walk or talk. The culprit? A virus known as Cytomegalovirus (CMV). We’ve always prioritized cleanliness, nutrition, and fitness—yet, as doctors described it, we were just “unlucky,” as if we’d been struck by lightning.
A year after our son’s birth and after confirming the presence of CMV antibodies in my system, I found myself both excited and anxious about a third pregnancy. My mind raced with questions, and I was determined not to repeat past mistakes. Should I isolate myself at home? Avoid physical contact with family? Skip social gatherings? My rationality was overshadowed by fear as I sought to take control over my life.
To manage my anxieties, I sought a new gynecologist. The doctor who delivered my first two children wasn’t equipped to handle my concerns, and I craved a fresh perspective. I’ll never forget how my new gynecologist likened my journey to that of “a mouse in a maze.” He explained that while I knew how to navigate my previous path, everything had changed, and it was okay to feel scared about venturing down this new one.
This doctor became my anchor. I inundated him with texts about everything from food safety to potential virus exposure. His reassurance through ultrasounds and constant support helped me breathe a little easier as my pregnancy progressed.
After careful consideration, I decided to continue working. I kept Clorox wipes nearby, sanitized my workspace, and avoided buffets and crowded places. Watching other parents share snacks with their kids or jump into ball pits made me want to shout caution, but I opted to keep my concerns to myself.
Nine months later, my third child arrived without complications related to any virus.
Gradually, I learned to balance my fears with enjoying life. Some of my previous worries faded, while others lingered. I preferred to kiss my children on the forehead rather than the cheek, carried a pen for signing receipts, and always had hand sanitizer on hand. I hugged family members instead of kissing them, and I made sure to avoid door handles directly with my hands. I adapted to a new lifestyle while still savoring the joys of motherhood.
One memorable day, my toddler, who was battling a cold, sneezed right in my face. I recoiled instinctively, but it was too late; the germs had exchanged. I couldn’t scold him; he was too young to understand. That moment was pivotal for me, as it marked the beginning of my guilt subsiding. Life happens, often despite our best efforts to control it, and it’s essential to find joy amidst the chaos.
During the COVID-19 pandemic, many of these precautions have become the norm. “Wash your hands.” “Don’t touch your face.” I haven’t entered a building in weeks. My husband takes care of grocery runs, and we navigate our neighborhood on walks, reminiscing about how vibrant our favorite stores used to be.
I hold onto hope for a brighter future, confident that researchers will ultimately provide solutions. I long for the day I can embrace my mom without hesitation and watch my kids resume their schooling and social lives. I will continue to practice good hygiene but trust that we will collectively move forward.
It’s oddly comforting knowing I’m not alone; everyone is facing similar challenges. Perhaps, in the future, when I greet someone with a hug instead of a kiss, they’ll accept it without offense.
For more on navigating the world of home insemination and pregnancy, check out this blog. Additionally, if you’re exploring at-home insemination options, Cryobaby offers excellent resources. For further guidance on fertility treatments, March of Dimes is a fantastic resource.
Summary: Lila Thompson shares her personal journey of navigating pregnancy after her son was born with brain damage due to a virus. With overwhelming guilt and fear, she adjusted her lifestyle to protect her third child while learning to find joy in life despite uncertainties. She reflects on the shared experiences of others during the COVID-19 pandemic and embraces hope for the future.
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