A few weeks ago, I humorously posted on my social media about how our current situation feels less like homeschooling and more like a chaotic “yell-school.” The stress levels are soaring as we navigate the challenges of educating our children amidst a global pandemic — not the easiest task for anyone’s mental health. Unsurprisingly, someone jumped into the comments, insisting that I should keep my stress hidden from my kids.
However, recent research suggests that concealing stress from children is not advisable. So, take note, overly concerned commenters! Parents everywhere, it’s time to unite in our shared struggles.
The familiar phrase “not in front of the kids” has been called into question by researchers at Washington State University. They studied 109 parents in San Francisco, nearly evenly split between mothers and fathers. Initially, parents faced a stressful public speaking task paired with negative audience feedback. Following that, they completed a LEGO activity with their children, with some instructed to suppress their emotions and others encouraged to be themselves.
The researchers monitored physiological responses and observed interactions. According to Dr. Jessica Thompson, an assistant professor at WSU, “Parents who suppressed their stress were less engaged during the LEGO activity. Their emotional state affected not only their behavior but also how their children reacted, leading to less positive interactions.” This indicates that kids can sense when their parents are not being genuine about their feelings.
Reflecting on our childhoods, many of us can remember moments when something was amiss — perhaps a family tragedy or financial troubles — even before we were told. We felt that uncomfortable tension when our parents were withholding information. Today, we unintentionally replicate that experience, leaving our children confused about our true feelings.
Instead of hiding our stress, researchers advocate for a more transparent approach. While we shouldn’t burden our kids with adult problems, it’s crucial to communicate our feelings appropriately. Dr. Thompson emphasizes that kids are adept at picking up on “emotional residue” from their parents, meaning they can often sense when something is wrong.
“Children are perceptive to subtle emotional cues,” she explains. “When they sense negativity but see their parents acting as if everything is fine, it sends mixed messages.” Instead of suppressing our feelings, she recommends allowing children to witness a constructive resolution of conflicts.
Though the idea of “healthy conflict” may seem paradoxical, engaging in open discussions about stress can be beneficial. Given the multitude of challenges we face today — from juggling remote learning to adapting to new social norms — it’s natural to feel overwhelmed.
Dr. Elena Ramirez, a pediatric specialist at a local university, states, “Our physiological states are interconnected with our children’s, for better or worse. Attempting to stifle emotions doesn’t eliminate them. Instead, they linger within us, often manifesting later as irritability or outbursts.” This observation resonates with how many parents, myself included, navigate their emotions during these trying times.
It’s essential to practice self-compassion. Concealing stress only exacerbates our struggles, both personally and as parents. Instead, we should openly share our feelings with our children in a way they can understand. This honesty prevents them from jumping to exaggerated conclusions and spiraling into their own anxieties.
As Dr. Thompson notes, “Recognizing your feelings, as well as your child’s, is crucial. Kids are capable of processing these emotions. Allowing yourself to feel fosters better problem-solving skills.” Ultimately, we model behavior for our children in every interaction. By demonstrating how to discuss stress frankly and healthily, we equip them with essential coping skills for the future.
In these tumultuous times, it’s perhaps the best opportunity to teach our kids how to navigate their emotions. While stress may be temporary, the resilience we instill in them will have a lasting impact.
For more insights on parenting during challenging times, check out Home Insemination Kit for additional resources. Also, Make a Mom offers expertise in home insemination techniques, and NHS has excellent information on IUI procedures.
Summary
It’s important for parents to be open about their stress with their children rather than hiding it. Kids can sense their parents’ emotions, and showing them how to manage stress healthily can equip them with valuable coping skills for the future.
Leave a Reply