I never envisioned us facing a reality like this. How could I have? Yet, despite this realization, I find myself deeply regretful that circumstances aren’t better.
I feel a heavy weight of guilt for not being prepared. I didn’t have a strategy for how we would fill our days at home for months on end—without school, activities, or playdates. We are making do with what we have: frequent Amazon deliveries and an abundance of screen time. While you may find some enjoyment in this, I apologize for my inability to provide more enriching experiences.
I regret that I cannot answer all your questions. You have many, and as your mother, I want to respond to them all. However, some things are difficult to explain at your tender age, and there are also questions for which I have no answers myself.
I am truly sorry that you can’t be with your friends at school and that your interactions with peers are limited to a computer screen. It pains me even more that I struggle to facilitate these virtual connections for you. My social media feeds are filled with images of your friends enjoying Zoom lunches and FaceTime playdates, which seem delightful. However, our reality feels quite different, and I often skip these activities out of concern. Perhaps this reflects more on me than on you, and for that, I apologize.
I feel a deep sorrow that I am home all day, working from a designated space, yet I can’t engage with you as I wish. Being home used to mean our time together, but now when you hear me in the house, you recognize that I am physically present but emotionally absent. The joy of hearing your laughter while I am busy is bittersweet; it breaks my heart when you call for me or ask if I’m done working. I apologize for avoiding these moments to spare us both from disappointment.
It pains me to admit that I am not being the parent I’ve always aspired to be. My patience is dwindling, and my anxiety about the current state of the world has intensified. Unfortunately, you and your father bear the brunt of my unease, and for that, I am truly sorry.
I regret having to yell at you to keep your distance from your father when he returns from grocery shopping. I can only imagine how confusing this must be for your young minds. The excitement that used to accompany his arrival now feels fraught with fear, as I worry that a simple hug could lead to illness.
I am sorry that you cannot embrace your grandparents. We have always encouraged a close relationship with them, and now we must keep you apart. It’s contradictory and bewildering. We’ve tried to maintain connection through FaceTime and six-foot visits, but these solutions don’t make sense to you.
Above all, I regret feeling this overwhelming sense of remorse. Logically, I understand that much of this situation is beyond my control, and it’s a collective struggle we all face. We are fortunate compared to many others. I want to focus on the positives and cherish the unexpected time we have together, but that is sometimes a challenge.
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In summary, I want to express my heartfelt apologies for the current circumstances and the challenges you face. We are all navigating this together, and while I strive to be the best parent I can be, I acknowledge my shortcomings during this time.
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