“Wow,” another elderly woman remarked as I navigated through the grocery store with my three little ones, all under the age of four. “You’ve got your hands full.” I had become accustomed to such comments, simply smiling and nodding in acknowledgment. Managing a grocery list with three toddlers was no easy feat, but we did it out of necessity.
As my child grew older, it became increasingly clear that there were challenges ahead. The sudden outbursts, an insatiable curiosity leading to constant touching, and intentional falls made outings increasingly difficult. In a moment of desperation, I decided to invest in a toddler carrier, opting to wear my child as much as possible. What I didn’t foresee was the wave of judgment that would accompany this choice.
I’m not the type of parent who seeks validation from others. I firmly believe that baby-wearing was the best choice for both my child and myself. It provided comfort and the necessary sensory input for my child, while also ensuring their safety—especially given the impulsivity associated with ADHD. Yet, despite my indifference to the opinions of others, the judgment soon became overwhelming. Unsolicited advice from strangers quickly got on my last nerve.
Take, for instance, a routine lab appointment I had scheduled for myself. With two of my kids at school, I was left with only one child in tow. After checking in, I began securing my child in the carrier. We were both settled and ready when a lab technician called me back. She immediately scrutinized us and asked, “Can’t your child walk?”
I was taken aback. What if my child couldn’t walk? Her comment was not only unprofessional but also offensive. When I didn’t respond, she continued with, “You can’t carry them forever.” This apparent mom-shamer was likely judging all kinds of parenting choices from breastfeeding to co-sleeping.
While she prepped her equipment, she threw in more comments about baby-wearing. I calmly replied, “My child has special needs, and wearing them is the safest option. Plus, we’re in a lab—it’s not the best place for a child to be crawling around.” She fell silent, leaving her no room to make further comments.
During errands like trips to the library or pharmacy, my child would be strapped to my back, content to play with my hair or sing happily. Yet, I’d often encounter women who would snarl, “How old is your child?” followed by, “That would hurt my back. Doesn’t that give you a backache?” These interactions lacked any nicety, and I was left explaining myself to strangers.
After facing these comments repeatedly, I developed a standard response: “No, it doesn’t hurt. Look at how happy my child is!” I would then turn to my kids and say, “Let’s go!” walking away from the judgmental individual. I refused to entertain their ignorance.
Curiosity is perfectly fine, but interrogating a parent to pass judgment is not. What’s more concerning is that children hear this negativity. My child, still in diapers, was absorbing negative messages about baby-wearing, which was entirely out of their control.
I didn’t share my child’s medical history with rude inquirers; my choice to baby-wear was not up for debate. I often wished to confront them, but I realized that many special needs are not visible, leaving children vulnerable to misconceptions from strangers.
Even if a parent has a child without special needs and prefers baby-wearing, that’s their choice! The benefits are numerous: hands-free convenience, emotional closeness, and safety in environments where children can’t roam freely. If a parent chooses not to baby-wear, that’s equally valid. Each family should do what works best for them.
Understanding someone else’s parenting choices does not mean they are wrong. The Golden Rule should apply to all parenting methods—whether it’s baby-wearing, using leashes, or strollers. Parenting is challenging enough without unsolicited opinions from others.
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Summary
Navigating the world of parenting, especially with a child who has special needs, often invites unsolicited judgments and comments from strangers. Baby-wearing became a vital choice for my family, offering safety and comfort. However, the stigma associated with this choice is frustrating, especially when it leads to negative assumptions about my child’s needs. Ultimately, respect for diverse parenting choices is essential, as each family knows what’s best for them.
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