The Detriment of Comparative Suffering: Why It Benefits No One

In these challenging times, nearly everyone I know is grappling with some form of discomfort or distress. The ongoing effects of the coronavirus pandemic have left many of us wrestling with physical, emotional, and financial hardships. What began as a brief period of isolation has dragged on, leaving our lives anything but normal.

It’s a tough situation. I often find myself longing for the days when I didn’t have to worry about a new, potentially lethal virus impacting our healthcare systems or affecting loved ones. While acknowledging that others may be facing greater hardships can sometimes lend perspective, it does little to alleviate my own discomfort. The world is cloaked in grief, and the collective sorrow only adds to my own burdens. Feeling empathy for others during this time can be overwhelming, sometimes even inducing guilt for my own relative well-being.

Nonetheless, this is our reality. COVID-19 is here, and we find ourselves navigating this pandemic for the foreseeable future. It’s essential to remember this context when we engage in the mental exercise of comparing our suffering to that of others.

Engaging in Comparative Suffering Serves No Purpose

Our experiences of discomfort or struggle do not hold more or less validity based on how they stack up against someone else’s situation.

Recently, I expressed my feelings of missing my father due to the pandemic restrictions on travel. We haven’t seen each other in many months, and the uncertainty looms large. While I recognized the privilege of having him alive and well, I also conveyed my sadness about our separation. One commenter replied harshly, saying, “Cry me a river. Talk to me when you’ve lost a parent.” Such dismissive comments are unnecessary and frankly unkind. Of course, the pain of losing a parent is profound, but that doesn’t negate my feelings of longing and sadness over not being able to see him.

It’s crucial to understand that you can experience sadness without having to be the most sorrowful. Emotions are not binary; it’s perfectly valid to feel “a little sad.” We are not in competition with each other, especially in a time like this. Most of us are resilient individuals simply trying to navigate an unprecedented season.

Your Feelings Are Valid

You are not required to downplay your feelings of sadness or anxiety simply because others may be experiencing more severe hardships. Yes, there are circumstances that could be worse than a global pandemic, but that doesn’t diminish your current feelings of fear or discomfort. Your emotions are a valid part of your lived experience, and feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or upset is entirely reasonable given the circumstances.

We don’t apply the same logic to positive emotions. You typically wouldn’t hear someone say, “I’m so happy, but I know I shouldn’t celebrate because others are doing better.” Happiness is subjective, influenced by personal experiences. If we accept that happiness can vary, we must also recognize that pain is relative.

Acknowledge Your Struggles

You have every right to fully acknowledge the weight of your struggles without comparing them to someone else’s. Of course, it’s essential to be sensitive to the context. I wouldn’t approach someone grieving a loss from the pandemic to voice my own feelings of anxiety or loneliness; that would show a lack of empathy and social awareness. However, this doesn’t mean I can’t share my feelings in the appropriate settings with trusted friends and loved ones. Finding a safe space to express our struggles is vital.

That said, it’s perfectly fine to acknowledge that while your suffering may not be as disruptive as others, it still warrants recognition. Keeping perspective is crucial; acknowledging what you are thankful for is not selfish. Your feelings matter. You are entitled to express discomfort and seek the support you need. Comparative suffering benefits no one, and it’s time to end this unhealthy competition.

Conclusion

In summary, it’s essential to validate your own feelings during these challenging times without comparing them to others. Everyone’s experience is unique, and acknowledging your struggles is crucial for mental health.