My children, despite being taller than me, will always be my little ones. They may appear like young adults, and our close bond encourages me to believe they are above reproach, but I know better.
Just a few years ago, they were learning to string together curse words and tell little lies. I thought that was challenging, but I had no idea what lay ahead. Now that they’re in their teenage years, we’ve entered a new phase filled with secrecy, experimentation, and more serious issues.
I recently listened to a podcast featuring an 18-year-old aspiring golf champion who had graduated at the top of his class. This young man claimed he had never been caught in any wrongdoing—no drinking, no drugs, no inappropriate online behavior. However, he cautioned parents that if they believed their kids hadn’t dabbled in risky behavior, they were mistaken. According to him, most teens experiment with risky activities, albeit to varying degrees.
A few years back, my son told me he was hanging out with friends after school. But when I spotted his friends on my way home from the grocery store without him, I called him. His response was odd, and when he returned home, he had a hickey on his neck. The truth only surfaced when I discovered a pack of condoms in his backpack the next day. I didn’t rummage through his belongings with the intent to catch him; rather, I sensed something was off and felt compelled to investigate.
At 14, my initial thought was that he was too young for such things. I was mistaken. My instincts were right, and thanks to my decision to look through his things, we had a vital conversation about sex, protection, and the importance of honesty.
Earlier this year, my daughter hosted a sleepover with some friends. Their behavior was peculiar throughout the night. Despite their usual good manners, they were giggling uncontrollably and ignoring my requests for them to settle down. When I tried to enter their room, my daughter unexpectedly locked the door, which was highly unusual for her.
The next day, while she was in the shower, I discovered a paper towel roll stuffed with dryer sheets hidden among her dirty clothes. I realized that the girls had been smoking pot in my home. If I had simply trusted my daughter and her friends—who excel in sports and academics—I could have overlooked a serious issue. Who knows how this could have escalated had I not intervened? I also bear the responsibility for the other girls while they are in my care; I owe it to their parents to ensure they aren’t engaging in illegal activities.
I don’t have “bad” kids, and neither do you. Every child tests boundaries, and when we sense trouble, it’s usually a valid concern. Sometimes, we must dig deeper for the truth, as our kids may not be completely forthcoming about their activities. I refuse to jeopardize their safety to respect their privacy; they can have all the privacy they want once they’re independent adults.
This isn’t a daily practice for me. I don’t routinely go through their rooms or backpacks. However, while they are under my roof, it is my duty to intervene when I discern something is wrong and not ignore it because of our close bond. I love my kids, but they are still kids, and allowing them to “figure it out” on their own is not always the best approach. When they act out of character, it usually indicates they need assistance in navigating their challenges.
Just because you share a close relationship with your kids doesn’t mean you’ll receive the complete picture. At times, it is our responsibility as parents to dig for the truth. If that means searching through their belongings to uncover what’s really happening, then so be it—because their health and well-being take precedence over their privacy.
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In summary, while maintaining a close relationship with our teens is vital, it is equally important to be vigilant and proactive when we sense something is off. Our kids may not always share the complete truth, and as parents, we must sometimes take the initiative to ensure their safety and well-being.
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