Yesterday, I tuned into a podcast where a therapist discussed the concept that distance can heighten desire. Well, you don’t say!
When the pandemic began, I felt incredibly fortunate to have a partner I loved to lean on. We both come from previous marriages, have children, and are navigating co-parenting while trying to manage our households as best as we can. It was a relief to share my COVID bubble with someone who believed in social distancing, mask-wearing, and keeping our kids away from sleepovers. Plus, the intimacy we shared was fantastic.
After years of swiping through dating apps, I finally felt settled and didn’t have to worry about running out of batteries for my vibrator or struggling with virtual dates. Naturally, he was the only person (besides my kids) I spent months with. Our kid-free outings, like going to the movies or visiting friends, were replaced by cozy nights at home.
At first, I was fine with this new routine, but soon, I felt like I might snap every night as he snored loudly beside me. While preparing dinner, I noticed him slurping canned veggies right from the pan. I mean, who slurps green beans? Not just once, but several times!
When we go for drives, he cranks up the sports channel so loud that the entire neighborhood can hear. The heat is blasting, blowing right in my face while the windows are down. I leave those car rides feeling overstimulated and need some quiet time alone to recover.
His phone calls are always on speaker, and he insists on rewatching silly videos his friends send him multiple times. We both love ice cream, and going out for a cone has been a fun COVID activity for us, but the way he smacks his lips while enjoying it is maddening. Apparently, he needs to “fully taste” every bite.
I’m fully aware that I’m not perfect either. I take forever in the bathroom, splurge too much on shoes, have a specific arrangement for my pillows, and can’t resist my daily smoothie addiction—my blender is definitely not quiet. I’m an early sleeper while he’s a night owl, and let’s not even discuss how long it takes me to reach climax these days.
I know I probably drive him crazy as well. The truth is, since March, the little things I used to find charming (or didn’t even notice) now push me to my limits, simply because he’s my constant companion during this pandemic. He’s my refuge, the one I turn to for support, joy, or advice. Without our usual social outlets like friends, family, or movie nights, it often feels like I’m about to explode.
I can’t escape to a spin class, and he can’t visit friends who usually have him over for games due to their elderly parents living with them.
I’m sure many couples are experiencing the same frustrations during these chaotic times. While we both work from home and make our own schedules, started exercising together when gyms closed, and cook every meal together, the love is still there. However, he’s truly testing my last nerve. The absence of distance is leading to a lack of desire, and we definitely need to rekindle some of that spark. Just last night, he turned the TV volume up a notch, and I nearly lost it.
To all the couples out there feeling overwhelmed by the constant presence of their partner—whether it’s the sound of their breathing, the smell of their cooking, or the sound of their voice on conference calls—we’re all in this together. But at the same time, it seems we’re alone in our individual struggles. There’s little that either of us can do to ease the situation, except to vent to one another.
However, we are in this journey alongside our partner. And honestly, I’ll take the slurping, the snoring, and everything else he does that makes me want to run away because if we can survive the pandemic together, we can tackle anything. And when life starts to return to normal, I have a feeling I’ll miss him more than I expect.
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- How to manage relationship stress during a pandemic
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Summary:
Living with a partner during the pandemic can bring both comfort and frustration. While it’s great to have someone to share the experience with, the constant presence can lead to annoyance over small habits that were once endearing. Finding ways to cope and maintain intimacy is crucial as couples navigate this unique challenge.
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