As far back as I can remember, anxiety has been a constant companion in my life. It comes and goes like the tide, but from the moment I began to understand my emotions, I realized that my worrying was excessive.
In my childhood, I often dismissed my anxious feelings as mere excitement or nervousness about the many new experiences I was encountering. I was so engrossed in figuring out life and myself that stress felt like a normal part of the journey.
However, once the carefree days of youth faded and the weight of adulthood settled in, my anxiety became a more prominent figure in my daily routine. I found myself spiraling over minor incidents, like an odd glance from a neighbor or a comment from a family member about my outfit.
My mind has always been a whirlwind, processing emotions in rapid succession. It’s rare for me to focus on just one thought; each idea often spirals into a cascade of self-doubt and blame. I’ve become quite skilled at this mental game over the years.
Today, I am happily married to a wonderful partner, and together we have two amazing kids who bring light into my life. Yet, despite the joy they bring, my anxiety remains, sometimes even amplified by the responsibilities of motherhood and marriage.
The truth is, being anxious doesn’t equate to being unhappy. I can feel incredibly grateful for my life while simultaneously feeling overwhelmed. Often, the more positivity I experience, the more my worries seem to surface.
Fortunately, I have a fantastic therapist who has been incredibly supportive. I engage in running, meditation, and maintain a balanced diet, enjoy the occasional glass of wine, and strive to get enough sleep. I’ve experimented with various supplements and CBD products, and followed countless self-care tips.
Still, we’re living in a world that is hard to comprehend. A virus is threatening lives globally, and societal divisions often seem insurmountable. Personally, it’s distressing to see how passionately many people hold views that I fundamentally disagree with.
I worry deeply for my children’s future, and I’m constantly questioning how to create a safer, more equitable world for them.
So today, I made a significant call. It was a decision I had contemplated for a long time, weighing the advantages and disadvantages, trying to determine if it was the right path for me.
I reached out to my doctor to finally explore medication for my anxiety. I can’t continue living in this state. I need to be there more for my husband and children, but most importantly, for myself. I refuse to let my anxiety continue to dictate my self-worth. I deserve to feel better mentally. I deserve liberation from the grip of anxiety that has held me captive since childhood.
Some may view this decision as a mistake, but honestly, I don’t care. I’ve navigated this emotional chaos long enough. It’s time for change.
I am ready to confront this challenge and seek healthier ways to manage it. I have many years ahead of me, and I deserve peace. If medication is the key to achieving that, then it’s time to take that step.
For more insights on this journey, check out this other blog post, and if you’re interested in starting your own family journey, Make a Mom is an authority on the topic. Additionally, the CDC provides an excellent resource for understanding pregnancy and home insemination.
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Summary:
In this heartfelt reflection, Jamie shares her lifelong struggle with anxiety, how it has evolved through different life stages, and her recent decision to seek medication to better manage it. Despite the joy of family life, anxiety continues to challenge her, prompting her to take proactive steps toward mental health. Through therapy, self-care, and now medication, Jamie hopes to find peace and improve her quality of life.
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