My children swear.
My nine-year-old has been known to let slip “hell” and “damn,” and I’ve caught him singing David Bowie’s “Oh! You Pretty Things,” which includes the word “bitch.” He also tends to exclaim “Oh my God!” in moments of surprise or frustration. My eleven-year-old is more discreet; I hear about his cursing from his younger siblings. As for my seven-year-old, he doesn’t seem to curse, but I wouldn’t mind if he did.
I have certain words I prohibit, and they understand not to use curse words in public. However, when I hear them utter so-called offensive language, I typically just look the other way.
Curse Words Have Lost Their Impact
To a large extent, many curse words—like hell, damn, bitch, shit, and f*ck—have been rendered meaningless. When we say “damn,” we’re not literally damning anything; we’re often just expressing surprise or frustration, like saying, “Oh, F*CK!” A “bitch” is used to describe something difficult or annoying. Personally, I dislike the word “shit,” but thankfully, my kids don’t use it. Even the infamous F-word tends to come out in extreme situations.
We don’t use these words in their literal contexts. If I heard my kids refer to “shit” as poop, I’d intervene just because it’s unpleasant. And if they ever used “bitch” to insult a woman, that would result in serious consequences. My kids know the difference, and because they do, I’m okay with them using some of these words.
Certain Words Are Off-Limits
There are some words I absolutely won’t allow in my home. If I ever caught my kids using an ethnic slur (no need to name them; everyone knows what they are), I’d be furious. Such language promotes hate and dismisses entire groups of people. Those words are not just interjections; they signify a harmful ideology that has no place in our lives—or in my household.
My kids have mostly never heard these terms and wouldn’t use them anyway, as we steer clear of those who do. Additionally, I do not permit them to use words like t*ts and c*nt, as they are often used to demean women. These words retain their negative meanings, and there’s no place for them here.
However, if they were studying Shakespeare, I’d explain the pun in Hamlet’s line, “Pardon me, my Lord, I thought we spoke of country matters,” and I wouldn’t reprimand them for that. It’s important they don’t miss out on clever language.
Context Matters
I’m not overly concerned if my kids curse. My husband, however, is more sensitive to it. When I hear them swearing, I remind them, “Don’t let your father catch you saying that!” They also know these words aren’t suitable for public settings. If they shouted “Oh, hell!” in a store, that would upset me. My children understand that cursing is situational and should be reserved for specific contexts, like when they’re alone or around certain adults.
You wouldn’t know my kids curse—they wouldn’t use such language in front of you or most adults who aren’t me.
Cursing Is Usually Expletive
Ultimately, the meaning of a word hinges on its context. Many curse words are used as interjections, divorced from their original meanings. However, when those same words are aimed at individuals—like “He’s an asshole,” or “You’re a goddamn idiot”—they become deeply offensive.
In our household, we don’t belittle people. My kids don’t curse at each other and don’t use profanity to insult individuals. If they happen to express frustration using an expletive, like “That’s a f*cking pain,” I wouldn’t bat an eye. Why stress about it? It’s just a word.
As long as they don’t direct their curses at people or use them to describe actual objects (for instance, I wouldn’t want them saying they fell on their ass), they can let loose with their language. I might even stifle a laugh and let it slide.
Every word has its place, and my kids recognize the distinction. If they didn’t, we’d have a conversation about appropriate language, which is an essential lesson about how we treat others.
It’s Okay to Let Out a “Dammit!”
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Summary:
In conclusion, I don’t stress over my kids using profanity as long as they understand the context and refrain from using it to insult others. I’ve set clear boundaries around certain words, particularly those that carry significant negative implications. By allowing some leeway with language, I ensure my children learn important lessons about respect and appropriateness in communication.
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