The Overwhelming Burden of a Working Mom During the Holidays — Simply Too Much

This week, I took a quick break from my work-from-home desk to tackle a shopping trip to Trader Joe’s and Target during what I hoped would be quieter hours. Earbuds in, I was listening to a conference call while trying to navigate the chaos of the season. As a full-time remote worker, the expectation is that I’ll be available for meetings from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m., all while my kids are at daycare for 8-9 hours. Being someone who’s both germophobic and anxious in crowds, I ventured out in the middle of the day to find a Christmas ham, teacher gifts, breakfast for Christmas morning, and the only yogurt my son eats.

After parking, I ended my call and donned my mask, only to find myself facing a line at Trader Joe’s that stretched across the strip mall. Just the sight of so many people made me retreat back to my car like a frightened cat.

Determined to achieve at least one task before my next call at 2:30 p.m., I shifted to Target to pick up a diaper order using their Drive Up service. After being cut off by an aggressive driver, I secured a parking spot but soon realized I was stuck waiting behind several other cars, all waiting for their orders as well.

Twenty minutes later, while on my call with tangled headphones and mask, I finally got my diapers after yelling at the attendant. But I was reaching my limit.

On the way home, still listening to a heated discussion about contract details, I stopped by a nearby strip mall to mail a mountain of Christmas cards. Yes, I still make the effort to have professional photos taken and send cards to 75 people, even during a pandemic, even though only about 10 return the favor. Mask on, I approached the mailbox, only to find it jammed and full. Out of breath, I returned to my car, tossing the unmailed cards onto the floor.

In that moment, I realized I had completely lost my patience.

Once again, I felt like I had failed, which has become my norm during this pandemic. I constantly juggle distractions from my children while trying to focus on work or feel guilty for sending them to daycare so I can manage my demanding job. Add to that the chaos of my Kinder-age son’s education and homework, and it’s a recipe for disaster.

Emails from HR suggesting I take time for myself or try meditation pop up regularly in my inbox, well-meaning yet frustrating. My Outlook calendar is filled with meetings, and I watch as my precious hour of free time disappears—time I could use for holiday magic or a peaceful walk in the sun.

Let me quickly add meditation to my ever-growing to-do list:

Organize six weeks of Zoom worksheets and assignments.
Compile kids’ letters to Santa and order gifts online.
Decide on gifts for my husband’s family and actually order them.
Weigh the safety of sending kids back to daycare post-COVID scare.
Buy eight Starbucks gift cards, gift bags, and boxes of chocolates for the daycare teachers.
Try to hold back tears while staring at my computer screen.
Purchase gifts for the children’s shelter sponsored by daycare.
Get gifts for the senior living center from my child’s class.
MEDITATE/SELF CARE.
Send $20 via Venmo for the Kindergarten teacher’s gift.
Find and print holiday recipes.
Order new leggings for Peloton rides.

So here it is—I’m calling BS.

We’ve seen the articles and tweets. Women today are expected to juggle demanding jobs, perfect parenting, maintaining fitness with early morning workouts, and creating holiday magic—all while managing the stress of a global health crisis. And somehow, we’re supposed to do it all cheerfully, remaining composed at work and not losing our cool at home. It’s simply impossible.

Women are leaving their jobs in record numbers, and it’s no surprise. The system is not designed to support us. Something has to give. We can’t do everything for everyone all the time. It’s a fantasy, and I’m tired of trying to keep up.

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In summary, the burden of managing work and family responsibilities during the holidays can feel overwhelming for working mothers. The struggle between fulfilling professional duties and parenting expectations, particularly during a pandemic, creates an immense mental load that is often unmanageable.