Hey there. My third child almost pushed me to my limit. A few months ago, I was genuinely beginning to wonder if I’d ever catch up on sleep again. My baby fits the description of what’s often called “high-needs.” While I could think of a few words that might be more fitting, “high-needs” has a nice, scientific ring to it, so we’ll roll with that.
From the start, my little one has demanded near-constant attention. She’s been a nightmare when it comes to sleep, nurses frequently, and seems glued to my side. She is nothing like my first two children. My first was a classic “easy” baby who taught me nothing about parenting. I used to feel guilty picking him up after he’d been happily playing by himself. He never cried at night; he would wake for a quick feed, and then go right back to sleep. I thought I was a fantastic parent thanks to him.
My second child, while a bit more challenging, raised himself in comparison to this third one. For about four months, my daughter wanted absolutely nothing but me. This is not an exaggeration. She would tolerate her father or brothers for a moment, but as soon as she started to whine, it was clear that only I could make her happy.
Believe me, we tried everything. My wonderful husband wanted to bond with her and give me a break. While I attempted to take a bath or work in another room, I could hear him singing to her while wearing her in a carrier. She would be fine for a few minutes, sometimes even drifting off to sleep. But when she had enough, it was over. Despite his efforts to calm her, she would wail until I rushed in. She just wanted me.
On many sleepless nights, I found myself in a rocking chair, weeping while cradling her peaceful face. I remember one night thinking, “If I had her first, her brothers would not exist. She is so much.” The memes about third children are spot on, folks.
Then, she started crawling. She was a bit late to the game, only really getting the hang of it around ten months, but once she did, it was like a miracle. My world began to shift. I wouldn’t say she’s laid back or independent yet—she’s still quite the handful—but now she can explore on her own and then come find me. Knowing she has access to me seems to have eased that constant neediness.
She’s also nursing less often. She’s discovered that cups are quite nice, so now she drinks water instead of clawing at my shirt and crying, “MOMMY!” until I feel overwhelmed. Sleep is still a challenge, but she gives me two or three hours at a time at least once a night, which is progress.
I don’t want to jinx it, but I think we might have finally turned a corner. For the past month, I haven’t looked at my husband with a look of despair and asked, “This one is a lot, right? She’s just really needy, isn’t she?”
If you have a new baby who is more demanding than you expected, hang in there. I know that hearing their cries pulls at your heartstrings and makes you want to help. But I also know that it can feel like you’re barely keeping up with one need before they demand something else. Even the most patient parents can feel overwhelmed by a high-needs baby. You’re not alone, and it’s okay to ask for help.
All those well-meaning people telling you that the baby phase flies by? That advice can be hard to swallow when you’re in the thick of it. You will blink, but when you do, your baby won’t magically be all grown up. They’ll still be that tiny, demanding bundle of joy.
It’s tough, and your feelings are valid. But there’s hope. As my high-needs baby approaches her first birthday, she’s on her way to becoming a (presumably) high-needs toddler. While that will bring its own set of challenges, I’m ready for the changes that come with this new phase, especially if it means a bit more sleep.
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Search Queries:
- How to handle a high-needs baby
- Tips for parenting a demanding infant
- Managing sleep deprivation with a high-needs child
- Resources for parents of high-needs babies
- Transitioning from baby to toddler: what to expect
Summary:
Parenting a high-needs baby can be an overwhelming experience, especially when they demand constant attention and care. However, as children grow and develop new skills, like crawling, parents often find some relief as their little ones become more independent. While challenges remain, especially concerning sleep and feeding, there is hope that the most difficult phases will pass. Seeking help, understanding your feelings, and finding resources can make the journey easier.
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