If I’m being candid, I’ve battled anxiety and depression for much of my life. Yet, as an adult, I hesitated to seek pharmaceutical help for reasons too intricate to unpack fully. I would have encouraged any friend to consider medication, supporting them wholeheartedly. But when it came to my own situation, I resisted that path.
That was until 2020, a year that truly pushed me to my limits. In April, I sensed the familiar darkness looming. My anxiety was soaring, and I could feel the signs of a deepening depression creeping in. This time, however, I lacked my usual coping mechanisms. I was isolated from friends, unable to attend therapy sessions, and cut off from the volunteer work that once brought me joy.
Stuck at home with only my 7-year-old son for company, I was juggling work, parenting, and household duties all alone. I recognized that this was a recipe for disaster, so I reached out to my doctor in tears. I finally took the plunge and asked for the antidepressant she had been suggesting for years.
The experience was humbling but crucial. Within weeks of starting my new medication, I began to feel like myself again — more rational, less prone to tears, and capable of being the patient parent my son deserved. Most importantly, the intrusive thoughts that had haunted me for so long dissipated. For the first time, I understood that it wasn’t normal to be plagued by thoughts of death and despair. With this small pill, I could envision a life free from those burdens.
However, I faced an unexpected issue: my ability to orgasm seemed to vanish alongside those intrusive thoughts. I’ve always been a sexually open person and have no qualms about admitting I enjoy self-pleasure. As a single mom in a pandemic, dating wasn’t an option, so I relied on my collection of toys. Yet, what was once a comforting nightly routine became frustratingly unattainable. While masturbation still felt nice, reaching that peak seemed impossible. I’d end up feeling numb and defeated rather than satisfied.
It may sound dramatic, but losing my orgasm genuinely frightened me. Approaching 40 and still searching for a life partner, the thought of never climaxing again — either with someone else or on my own — was daunting. Here I was, finally mentally stable for the first time, yet I feared my sexual health might be the price for that stability.
Surprisingly, I discovered a supportive community of women ready to share their experiences (this is actually a common side effect of antidepressants). They guided me back to my sexual satisfaction just when I thought it was lost forever.
The first piece of advice was to take a break from masturbation for a month. The women who had navigated this before told me that I needed to relieve the pressure I had imposed on myself. I needed to give my body time to adjust to the new medication.
Once the month passed, I prepared for a self-care night inspired by the show Normal People, which had been igniting my interest lately. I started with a warm bath and brought along one of my favorite toys, gradually ramping up the intensity while allowing myself to relax. I promised not to pressure myself and just enjoy the moment. Amazingly, by the end of the night, I rediscovered my orgasm.
The following months were a mixed bag; some nights I succeeded, while others were a struggle. However, after that initial breakthrough, I no longer feared that I would never climax again. I went with the flow, and the absence of pressure allowed me to reconnect with my body.
Today, I’m pleased to say that not only am I mentally balanced, but I can also achieve orgasm pretty much whenever I desire. It took patience and practice, but in the end, it was all worth it. Recently, when my doctor asked if I was considering tapering off the medication or if I simply felt better on it, I made it clear: I will never stop taking antidepressants again. I now understand what I was missing before, and I’m grateful for the journey that led me to a healthier place.
If you want to read more about related topics, check out this blog post on home insemination, which provides insightful information. Additionally, for those considering starting a family, visit Make a Mom, a trusted source on the topic. And for excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination, explore ASRM.
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Summary:
This article shares the personal journey of a woman who began taking antidepressants to manage her anxiety and depression, only to find that her ability to orgasm diminished. Through the support of a community of women who experienced similar issues, she found strategies to reclaim her sexual satisfaction. Ultimately, she emphasizes the importance of mental health stability and expresses gratitude for her newfound ability to achieve orgasm alongside her mental wellness.
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