I take pride in being a deeply engaged parent, always in tune with my children’s needs and striving to fulfill them. Yet, the ongoing pandemic has taken a significant toll on my mental health. Since March, we’ve been adapting to remote learning and working from home, and I find myself utterly burned out.
It’s not just the endless sibling squabbles, the constant negotiations with my partner, trying to fit in exercise, or preparing countless meals that have drained my patience. The real struggle lies in the overwhelming decision fatigue that accompanies our new home life.
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I can hardly go five minutes without someone asking me to make a choice. Whether it’s the kids inquiring about snacks or me weighing whether to troubleshoot the Wi-Fi or answer a long-awaited phone call, the stream of decisions never ends. Just when I think I’m about to settle on a choice, another request comes in, adding to the pressure. It’s an endless cycle.
Decision-making has become relentless, akin to a child’s tantrum that you can only ignore for so long before you’re compelled to act. You either lose your cool, step back, or futilely attempt to intervene. Once one crisis subsides, another one emerges.
Initially, being at home felt like a staycation. Yes, we still had work and school obligations, but the expectations were more relaxed. We had the luxury of extra time. We slept in a bit, enjoyed meals and snacks together, and took outdoor breaks. The warmer weather improved our moods, and like many, we naively hoped the virus would soon be behind us.
However, as days turned into weeks, then months, the reality of our situation set in. The pandemic was not a fleeting issue, and it remains far from resolved. Each day, my family looks to me to determine our weekly meal plans, daily schedules, chore distributions, and countless other decisions. Who showers first? How do we schedule music practice around my partner’s work calls and my writing sessions? During remote learning, I’m constantly bouncing between kids, resolving challenges, fulfilling requests, and trying to keep my sanity intact.
I genuinely appreciate having a safe home where we can be together. We have plenty of space to play, work, and learn. Yet, all this togetherness has increased the pressure on me to be the one who makes all the decisions for my family. I am completely drained, and I doubt that a single day of self-care or an afternoon nap can remedy the nearly year-long decision fatigue I’ve been experiencing.
On one hand, I don’t want to be uninformed. I’m naturally organized and tend to be a control enthusiast. I like to anticipate what will happen next, and I’m skilled at creating chore charts and managing schedules. But despite these abilities, I’m exhausted by the constant barrage of questions that require my input.
These aren’t life-or-death choices; they are countless minor decisions that accumulate, sometimes influencing the next one I have to make. Often, I’m juggling several decisions simultaneously.
My partner and I approach decision-making differently. I tend to be decisive, while he takes a more thoughtful and detailed approach. As a result, our kids know they can come to me for quick answers. While I appreciate my partner’s carefulness for long-term planning, the everyday choices—like managing remote learning, household chores, and parenting—fall largely on my shoulders. Some of these responsibilities I embrace, but lately, I’ve grown resentful of constantly being asked to solve yet another problem.
I know some might suggest I delegate some responsibilities. Believe me, my kids do contribute to household tasks. I want to raise capable, independent individuals, and having been a college educator, I’ve seen the consequences of overly coddling children.
I also understand that others might recommend self-care. I do make time for myself—taking long baths, sleeping in on weekends, indulging in books, and binge-watching shows. Yet, the reality is that, for most of the day, I’m “on.” If you’re a parent, chances are you can relate.
The daily grind can wear out even the most devoted parent. We’re all doing our best in a situation none of us anticipated. Remember those optimistic resolutions we made for 2020? Turns out, we were in for quite a ride.
Just today, my kids approached me, each requesting a different snack, just 45 minutes after lunch. For a moment, I stood there, overwhelmed by their simultaneous demands. I eventually told them, “No, just no.” Later, one child asked for early tech time, prompting two more to join in the pleading. Again, I firmly said no. I usually resist giving in to such requests, but there have been moments during this pandemic when I’ve felt so inundated that I’ve declared, “I’m not taking any requests right now.” I’m not a DJ at a wedding.
There have been times I’ve completely shut down, summoned my partner, and retreated to my room for a few moments of peace, just to escape the constant decision-making, however trivial the requests may be.
The pandemic has brought out both the best and worst in all of us, and it’s undeniably been a period of learning. I’ve established better boundaries while also letting go of what doesn’t truly matter. Despite all my self-care efforts, support from my partner, and well-behaved children, I am still utterly fatigued by the endless decision-making.
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- How to manage decision fatigue as a parent?
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Summary:
The ongoing pandemic has led to significant decision fatigue for parents, particularly in managing daily tasks and responsibilities. As the pressure to make countless choices mounts, the emotional toll becomes evident. Finding balance, establishing boundaries, and prioritizing self-care are essential for navigating this challenging time.
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