Have you ever been driving and suddenly found that you can’t recall the last ten minutes of your journey? Have you ever sat through a meeting only to completely zone out? Or perhaps in school, you’ve drifted through a lecture, lost in your thoughts while gazing out the window? If so, you might have a faint understanding of what it feels like to dissociate, which is a disconnect from thoughts, memories, moments, or emotions. However, dissociation encompasses much more than just feeling detached or absent; it is an all-encompassing and overwhelming experience.
Dissociation can be mental, emotional, and physical. When I dissociate, I often feel tingling in my skin, and my limbs may feel paralyzed or numb. Everyday sounds fade into a dull background, akin to listening to a radio stuck between stations, where I can’t make out any words or sounds. It feels as if I’m leaving my body, experiencing a sense of weightlessness and emptiness, like floating in an endless ocean or drifting beneath ice. During these moments, I feel like an observer, watching life unfold as if I’m peeking through a window. I see people and their actions but don’t connect emotionally. I may see my hands holding a warm coffee cup or my arms around my children, yet there’s no sensation, warmth, or love accompanying those actions. I become like a prop in my own life.
Outwardly, you wouldn’t know I’m experiencing this. I appear to lead a typical life. I walk, talk, work, parent, smile, laugh, and even share “mom jokes.” Yet there’s a barrier between me and the world, as if I’m standing behind a two-way mirror or looking through frosted glass. While this state keeps me safe from both people and my past, it also keeps me from being truly present.
Dissociation acts as a barrier between me and my life. Many individuals experience dissociation at some point, particularly those who have endured trauma, such as child abuse or neglect. This has been my experience as well, as a series of traumas have contributed to my dissociative episodes. However, it’s essential to note that, as Dr. Emily Hart, a psychiatrist at the New York Institute of Mental Health, points out, dissociation can also occur outside of traumatic experiences, such as during panic attacks or as a standalone dissociative disorder.
How to Cope with Dissociation
How can one cope with dissociation? Grounding techniques can be particularly beneficial when you feel a dissociative episode approaching or when you’re in the midst of one. Engaging every sense and focusing on something concrete can help, as Dr. Hart suggests. For instance, counting backward from 100 by threes, holding a cold object like an ice cube, or inhaling the scent of peppermint oil can help interrupt or lessen a dissociative episode. Therapy also plays a crucial role. Working with a trusted mental health professional can be transformative. For some, medication is essential; I personally take an antidepressant and an antipsychotic to manage my symptoms.
However, these strategies don’t entirely prevent dissociation. I often drift away before even realizing it. When I do catch myself disconnecting, I make a conscious effort to bring myself back to the present. I touch solid objects, like brushing my hand against the wall or my son’s hair, and I step into the shower, allowing the hot water to envelop my face and shoulders. I light scented candles that help anchor me in the moment. While I wish I could do more, knowing that I’m taking action is often sufficient.
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Summary:
Dissociation is a profound experience that involves feeling disconnected from oneself, often manifesting as mental, emotional, and physical detachment. Many people experience dissociation, especially those with a history of trauma. Coping strategies like grounding techniques and therapy can be beneficial, though dissociation may still occur unexpectedly. Recognizing these moments and taking steps to reconnect with the present can help manage the experience.
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