Since my divorce four years ago, I’ve gained more insight into myself and life than I did in my first 41 years. After nearly 20 years with the same partner and not working outside the home for almost 14, I found myself thrust into a new reality with just one conversation. My comfortable life was suddenly gone.
I vividly remember the overwhelming fear that gripped me the night my ex and I decided to end our marriage. The idea of not seeing my kids daily, becoming financially independent, and being the sole adult in my home felt daunting. I doubted my ability to manage it all.
He said to me, “You’ll find some doctor or lawyer who will take care of you.” In that moment, I realized I didn’t want someone to step in and take care of me—I wanted to find my strength, despite the fears swirling in my mind.
I had to figure out how to work, care for my kids, adapt to a new living situation, and cope with the emotional turmoil of not being married anymore. The emotions alone can be a wild ride. And the idea of finding someone else to fill the void isn’t the answer. It might seem easier, but taking charge of your own life feels infinitely more empowering.
You won’t have everything sorted out right away. Divorce is a process—it takes time and it’s not easy. You’ll need to learn how to ask for help and discover new ways to navigate life.
But you can and will get through this. It’s possible, and you are capable.
Start by listing what’s important to you, and then take it one step at a time. Believe me, I’ve been there; trying to fix everything overnight doesn’t work. Focus on the next small thing you need or want to do—whether it’s something as simple as showering or something bigger like job hunting.
Don’t overwhelm yourself with thoughts about your kids’ future or how you can ever let someone else see you naked again. This is tough, I understand—your mind can’t handle all the “what ifs” at once, and that can lead to anxiety that’s hard to shake. We aren’t built to control everything in our lives, especially things beyond our reach.
Take it One Step at a Time
Prioritize self-care. You can’t care for others if you’re running on empty. Don’t neglect your own needs during this challenging time. Yes, it’s a major change for your family, but neglecting yourself will only make things harder. You need to focus on self-care now more than ever.
Reach out to friends, ask for help, seek therapy, treat yourself to something uplifting, or cook your favorite meal. Even if you don’t feel like it, doing just one small thing can create a ripple effect of positivity.
After my ex left, I made myself buy new bedding to improve my sleep. It worked—better sleep led to feeling a bit better each day.
Remember, although this may feel like the hardest challenge you’ve ever faced, you can handle it. There are people who want to support you—let them in.
There will be tears, setbacks, and tough days. It’s okay not to be okay and to learn as you go. Be gentle with yourself; the journey is hard enough without added self-criticism.
My divorce taught me to trust myself. It was a long road, and I still have days filled with sadness and nostalgia for my old life. But I’ve proven to myself that I can handle whatever comes my way. And so can you.
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In summary, this journey through divorce can be overwhelming, but taking small steps and prioritizing self-care can help you regain control and find your strength. Lean on your support system and remember, you are capable of navigating this new chapter in your life.
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