Recently, I received several reminder emails indicating that my three oldest children’s report cards were available online. A few days later, I got automated notifications urging me to check for unread messages, including those about report cards. Eventually, I managed to remember the passwords for my kids’ accounts and took a look.
As usual, I quickly scrolled past the letter grades and percentages for each subject, heading straight to the teacher comments. To me, the letters assigned to each subject are far less significant than the observations made by the teachers about my children. Numerical grades are impersonal and reveal only part of the story. It’s the comments that truly matter to me as a parent.
Is my child kind, respectful, and engaged in their learning? I want to know about their character. If they have a C in math, that’s okay, but if they are an attentive listener and an active participant, that’s a victory for me. Honor roll? Not my priority. I teach my kids to strive for their best, not to be at the top at the expense of their well-being. Moreover, achieving high grades can often be influenced by privilege; those with more resources and support are generally more likely to attain the highest academic honors.
I’ll never forget when one of my kids’ kindergarten teachers noted on the report card that she is inclusive and kind. That year, the classroom had a higher number of students, including eight who were mainstreamed from special education for parts of the day. One of those students was non-verbal and communicated using a tablet. How did my child treat her and other classmates with special needs?
While skills like writing her name, recognizing sight words, doing basic addition, and handling scissors are important, they don’t hold a candle to how she interacts with others and respects herself. The social and emotional aspects of education matter more to me than perfect academic performance. If a child enjoys school, they are naturally motivated to excel.
Another child received feedback stating they always arrive at school with a positive attitude. Every parent knows that mindset is crucial. If a child’s attitude isn’t right, they won’t learn effectively. I already knew my child left for school excited and happy, but hearing that this attitude persisted throughout the day was incredibly reassuring.
One day, I received an email from another child’s teacher about a little girl who was upset because her mom was undergoing surgery. My child went over, comforted her, and cried with her. That act of kindness means far more than mastering letter formation.
As a former educator, I value my children’s love for learning and their enjoyment of school. Enjoyment doesn’t necessarily equate to straight A’s or perfect attendance. If those accolades come, great! However, fostering a love for learning is vital for lifelong curiosity and creativity, which contribute to happiness.
I also believe that my children’s behavior towards others reflects their character. It’s often said that “hurt people hurt people.” Conversely, when someone is kind, curious, and respectful, they inspire those same traits in others. When my children open their minds, hearts, and arms to others, it shows they are experiencing love and joy themselves, creating a beautiful cycle.
I refuse to be a grades-focused parent, as I understand that grades are just one part of a bigger picture. My kids are so much more than their letter grades or numerical rankings. Their physical, mental, and emotional well-being are what truly matter—especially after the lessons we’ve learned during the pandemic. If our children don’t feel safe or stable, how can we expect them to learn effectively?
I recognize that biases exist in educational settings. Studies show that children of color and those with special needs often face different treatment compared to their white, typically developing peers. As a parent of Black children, some of whom have special needs, I am vigilant, aware of the reality they face. While what teachers say about my children is important, it isn’t the ultimate truth.
Ultimately, I want my children to understand that I prioritize their humanity over their ability to excel in academics. Knowledge can only take you so far; interpersonal communication skills—simply put, knowing how to treat others—are invaluable.
Do they stand up against bullying? Are they willing to do what’s right, even when it’s tough? Do they support their peers? Do they respect their teachers? Are they able to apologize sincerely when needed? These qualities are essential life skills.
As I consume news today, I see a prevalence of entitlement, judgment, and manipulation. Where are the humility, bravery, and openness? I wonder how many individuals had parents who truly saw them and worked with them to cultivate character instead of just a polished record of grades.
I don’t claim to be a parenting expert, and I can’t predict the futures of my four kids. However, I hope that by focusing on who they are, recognizing their strengths, and encouraging their efforts to love themselves and others, I am doing the right thing.
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Summary:
In this article, the author emphasizes the importance of teacher comments over letter grades in assessing a child’s development. The focus is on character traits such as kindness, respect, and a positive attitude, which significantly impact a child’s learning experience. As a parent, the author prioritizes social and emotional well-being over academic excellence, believing that a love for learning is essential for lifelong success. The piece also highlights the need for awareness concerning biases in education, particularly for children of color and those with special needs.
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