Having my teenage son, Alex, at home this year has brought us closer than I ever thought possible. In the past, the only way I learned about what was happening in his life was through the parents of his friends. They would share details about field trips, school events, and the ups and downs of social life, while I often felt in the dark. Alex never seemed to volunteer information.
It wasn’t that he was intentionally keeping things from me; he just has a different idea of what’s worth sharing. For instance, he might dive into a deep discussion about time travel, yet skip over sharing that he supported a friend dealing with a difficult teacher. He has never been one to talk about his day in detail.
When he was still attending school in person, I tried every approach to get him to open up. Experts say open-ended questions are key, but Alex always managed to keep his responses brief and vague. I found camaraderie with other parents who, like me, were navigating the challenges of raising teenage boys.
However, the pandemic changed everything. Suddenly, instead of getting information through others, I was able to have direct conversations with him. The very existence of COVID-19 became our first major topic. With extra time on our hands, we found ourselves discussing it in depth—analyzing case numbers and understanding the implications of the virus.
When the tragic event of George Floyd’s murder occurred, it opened the door to discussions about systemic racism and social justice. Although my children are Latinx and benefit from financial privilege, we frequently address racism within our family. Previously, Alex had kept much of his thoughts on the subject to himself, but the protests that erupted provided a backdrop for meaningful conversations. We watched documentaries together, often pausing to discuss the content.
As school resumed in the fall, we opted for virtual learning, which meant even more time together. Alex struggled initially with the flexibility of online schooling and fell behind. After seeing him break down under pressure, I dedicated hours to create a structured schedule for him. He was immensely grateful and sincerely thanked me for my efforts. This experience allowed us to truly see each other; I understood how much he cared about his education, and he recognized my desire to support him.
This year’s close quarters have allowed our relationship to deepen in ways I never imagined possible. While he still engages in online guitar lessons and gaming with friends, our daily conversations have increased dramatically. I finally feel like I have a glimpse into his thoughts and experiences. We share moments of genuine dialogue, evolving our relationship from parent and child to something akin to friends.
The pandemic has brought many challenges, but I am incredibly thankful for the opportunity to bond with my son during this time.
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Summary:
This year has seen an unexpected yet profound shift in the relationship between a mother and her teenage son, Alex, as they navigate life during the pandemic. With increased time at home, they’ve engaged in meaningful conversations about current events, education, and personal challenges, fostering a bond that transcends traditional parent-child dynamics.
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