As Valentine’s Day approaches, it can be a challenging time for kids, especially those who have recently lost a loved one. I still remember the first Valentine’s Day after my partner passed away. My sister offered to bring me flowers, a gesture I politely declined. I had never been overly enthusiastic about the holiday, but that year, it felt particularly disheartening—Valentine’s Day is typically a celebration for couples, and I was navigating my grief.
Despite my feelings, my children wanted to uphold the traditions of the day. Just eleven days after their father’s passing, they longed for the familiar comforts of teddy bears, heart-shaped candies, and sharing cards with their classmates. I can’t recall all the details of how we celebrated that year, but I vividly remember wandering through the store, gathering whatever Valentine-themed items I could find to bring a sense of normalcy to their day.
This year, as we continue to cope with the effects of the pandemic, more families are grappling with loss than ever before. With over 400,000 lives lost to COVID-19, countless children are facing their first holiday without a beloved parent or guardian. To provide guidance on supporting grieving children during this time, we spoke with Sarah Thompson, a seasoned clinical social worker and author of “Healing Hearts.”
Understanding Grief in Kids
Grief is a deeply personal experience, and children often navigate it differently than adults. According to Thompson, children may experience “grief bursts,” where they feel sadness intensely but then quickly return to their regular activities. This ebbs and flows, and it’s essential for adults to be available for children, no matter how their grief manifests. It’s equally important for caregivers to have support themselves, ensuring they can be present for the grieving kids in their lives.
Empowering Kids to Express Themselves
When children face their first Valentine’s Day without a loved one, it’s crucial to allow them to take the lead. Thompson encourages parents to involve their children in planning activities that honor the memory of the one they lost. Ideas like creating art, writing letters, or baking in memory of their loved one can help maintain a connection while also celebrating their lives. The focus should be on the process of remembrance rather than the final product.
Letting Go of Expectations
There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and it’s important to recognize that everyone experiences it at their own pace. This Valentine’s Day, families might choose to embrace the day, avoid it altogether, or create a new tradition that feels right. The key is to approach the day with intention and grace, allowing for individual expressions of grief.
Ongoing Conversations About Loss
As children grow, their understanding of death evolves, making it necessary to have ongoing discussions about their feelings and questions. It’s essential to create a safe space for them to express their emotions, particularly if they grapple with feelings of guilt or confusion surrounding their loss.
Creating Opportunities to Share Memories
It can be tempting to avoid discussing the deceased, but this often leaves the grieving feeling isolated. Instead, invite children to share stories or memories about their loved one. This can help foster a sense of connection and community, reminding them they’re not alone in their grief.
This Valentine’s Day, my kids and I will continue to work on establishing our own rituals to honor their father. We will share stories, reminisce, and ensure his memory remains a part of our lives because our grief signifies our love.
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Summary:
Valentine’s Day can be a challenging time for children who have lost a loved one. It’s essential for adults to support grieving children by allowing them to lead the way in processing their emotions. Engaging in creative activities, maintaining open conversations about loss, and sharing memories can help children navigate their grief. Each family’s experience is unique, and honoring that individuality is key to healing.
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