I still remember the intense competition that came with becoming a new parent. Other moms seemed convinced that using flashcards, noisy educational toys, Baby Einstein videos, and curated board books would transform our little ones into prodigies. Bragging became a common pastime. Could your fourteen-month-old count to five in Spanish? Did little Max know his shapes or letters? And what about his knowledge of the days of the week or months of the year? We even compared letter sounds and baby signs. And let’s not forget—did your kindergartner make the honor roll?
Here’s the truth: babies just want to play. Their primary responsibilities should be to enjoy life, eat, sleep, and engage in the occasional tantrum. Nonetheless, many parents were determined to show off their kids’ achievements, often to the detriment of the very children they were bragging about. As I had more children, I came to understand that parenting is not a showcase for parental egos. Celebrating our children’s accomplishments is wonderful, but pushing them to perform for our benefit is not only wrong; it teaches them that their worth is tied to our fleeting pride.
Parents can nurture, love, support, and encourage their children without needing to compare them to others. Every child is unique, and some have special needs or other differences that shouldn’t be a point of competition. While at the park, I often overhear new moms casually bragging about their toddlers’ abilities, and I can’t help but think about the mother standing nearby, pushing her child in an adaptive swing. Where does she fit into this contest?
It’s essential to recognize that boasting about having “the best” kids often stems from privilege. Some parents can afford to send their children to enriching camps or hire tutors, while others struggle to provide basic educational resources. The disparity in opportunities means that kids with more resources are often at an advantage—and this perpetuates the cycle of bragging rights.
As a parent of a child with special needs, I know what it’s like to fight for even the most basic rights, like access to an appropriate public education. It’s exhausting to navigate IEP meetings and advocate for necessary therapies. I genuinely believe that most parents love their children, yet when they subtly imply they are superior based on their kids’ achievements, they are also suggesting they possess some special ability that others lack. This perspective can be dismissive and downright rude.
The underlying ableism and privilege within parental bragging are troubling. It suggests that other parents simply need to try harder, set goals, and push their children. But the reality is that many children who excel do so because they have resources and opportunities that aren’t accessible to all.
We accept our children as they are—whether they are big or small, need extra help, or have different abilities. We are committed to supporting their growth at their own pace without subscribing to the toxic culture of bragging. It serves no one and certainly doesn’t make us better parents.
I wish I could tell my younger self that it doesn’t matter when my baby crawled compared to others. Who cares if another mom’s toddler sleeps through the night while mine doesn’t? These comparisons don’t define my worth as a mother or indicate any shortcomings in my child.
Bragging about our kids is largely unproductive. It only serves to inflate the bragger’s ego and can foster resentment among listeners. We can genuinely celebrate our children’s milestones without turning their development into a competition.
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Summary:
The pressure to showcase our children’s accomplishments can often lead to unhealthy competition among parents. It’s essential to recognize that parenting should not revolve around bragging rights. Each child is unique, and their worth should not be measured against others. Ultimately, supporting our kids at their own pace is far more important than comparing them to their peers.
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