“Mom, this kid called me weird and a loser!”
As a parent, these are the words I dreaded hearing from my children. My daughter, Lily, had been experiencing some rough days, and my husband and I could sense something was amiss. She was irritable, snapping at us, and provoking her siblings—essentially, she wasn’t her usual self.
Lily is a unique and thoughtful child, an old soul at just 9 years old. She prefers assisting her teacher to playing during recess and values family time above all else. Yet, despite her quirks, she hasn’t found a close friend and is careful about opening up to new acquaintances.
When we suggested she engage with more kids at school, it unfortunately backfired.
“Back off, we don’t want you playing with us!”
“Why can’t I play with you?” Lily asked.
“It’s because you’re weird and a loser!”
My heart shattered into pieces. My initial instinct was to confront this child—who dares to speak to my daughter like that? But I paused, took a breath, and chose to turn this painful moment into a lesson.
The First Step: Bolstering Self-Esteem
The first step was to bolster Lily’s self-esteem and self-image. With rising concerns over children grappling with depression and low self-worth, we knew we had to prioritize reinforcing how loved, beautiful, and strong she truly is.
You Are Not Alone.
Regardless of whether your child is an extrovert or an introvert, it’s essential to reassure them that they are not alone in their struggles. Lily tends to bottle up her feelings and isn’t the first to express her emotions. Even though she hesitated to open up, she was in a dark place and needed reassurance of our unwavering support.
You Are Amazing.
I can picture Lily walking alone during recess, feeling isolated. Does she recognize what an incredible girl she is? Her peers may not see it now, but many others do. It’s important to remind her that being different doesn’t equate to being “weird” or a “loser.”
You Are in Control. Be Confident.
Words can sting, but they are just that—words. This concept can be tough for kids (and adults!) to grasp. They need to understand that they shouldn’t let negative words dictate their self-worth. Is she going to let this “mean kid” define her? I wanted to ensure that one person’s hurtful comments didn’t overshadow her many wonderful qualities.
Being in control also means fostering confidence. I want my children to be proud of who they are and to trust their decisions. They need to understand that the negative actions of others should not affect their self-belief.
Be Grateful.
When self-doubt creeps in, and it feels like everything is going wrong, it helps to reflect on the positive. We encouraged Lily to list ten things she is grateful for and ten qualities she admires about herself. This exercise was essential to reinforce her self-worth.
Develop a Plan.
Once we helped Lily establish a positive mindset, we encouraged her to devise a strategy for addressing the situation. What conversation did she want to have? Often, our first instinct after being hurt is to retaliate or avoid the person entirely. However, after much discussion, Lily realized she needed to stand up for herself.
Together, we decided the best approach was to confront the “mean kid” and ask them about their behavior.
“Why do you think I’m weird and a loser? Why is it okay to call me those names? Does it make you feel better to put me down?” We hoped these questions would encourage the other child to reconsider their hurtful actions. More importantly, Lily would learn to assert herself and not allow anyone to mistreat her.
So, we set Lily on a mission to communicate with the mean kid. We’re uncertain how it will all unfold, but we are confident that we’ve used this experience to teach our daughter about confidence and resilience.
Summary
This article discusses the emotional turmoil a child faces when bullied by peers, emphasizing the parent’s role in helping to build self-esteem, promote gratitude, and develop a plan for assertive communication. The story illustrates how a supportive family can empower a child to confront adversity and stand up for themselves.
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