When I heard about the tragic loss of eight innocent lives in Atlanta, six of whom were Asian women, my heart felt heavy. The recent surge of violence and discrimination against people like me and my family had reached an alarming new peak. A wave of anxiety washed over me. Was this a pivotal moment? Would conditions only deteriorate from here?
After discussing my worries and deep sorrow with my wife, who is of European descent, we decided that I would talk to our older children about these distressing events. Explaining the senselessness of violence and death to kids is a daunting task, but unfortunately, I’ve had to navigate similar conversations before, like those surrounding the tragic murder of George Floyd and the Capitol insurrection, as well as the racism faced by Asian Americans.
My wife and I want our kids to have a solid understanding of current events, especially those that resonate with our family’s values of social justice and our biracial identity. While I may not always find the right words, I believe that creating imperfect learning moments is far more beneficial than leaving them uninformed or relying on hearsay.
I took a day to reflect on the events before speaking with my children. I wanted to ensure I could share my thoughts without letting my emotions overshadow the conversation. The next day, I gathered my two oldest daughters, aged 10 and 8, and informed them that I had something serious to discuss.
I tailored my explanation to their understanding, sharing the sad news about a man who took the lives of eight people, six of whom were Asian women. I expressed my sadness over the loss of life, especially since some victims looked like us. I reminded them of our earlier discussions about the ongoing hatred and violence against Asians, particularly heightened during the pandemic due to COVID-19’s origins in China.
As our talk wrapped up, I faced the most challenging moment. I wanted to end on a positive note, reassuring them that they would be safe. Although I had no way of guaranteeing this, I felt compelled to say it. To ease their minds further, I assured them that the events had occurred far away, on the other side of the country.
As soon as the conversation ended, I realized I had been dishonest. There was no way I could promise them absolute safety. In fact, reports from Stop AAPI Hate indicate a rise in hate incidents in California, including a physical assault on an Asian man in Temple City, just a short distance from our home. Beyond physical attacks, there are numerous other forms of hate my family could confront, like verbal abuse, online harassment, and vandalism.
So why did I tell my children they would be okay?
First, I felt a strong instinct to shield them from harm. As a parent, part of my role is to prepare my children for the world, including its harsh realities. However, I also wanted to avoid instilling paralyzing fear in them. Thus, I lied and assured them they would be alright.
Secondly, as an Asian man, I often fit the stereotype of being emotionally reserved and struggled to express my feelings. I have spent years suppressing my emotions, convincing myself that they would hinder my ability to function as a parent and at work. I also didn’t want to burden my children with my anger and hatred towards those committing acts of violence. So, I lied and told them they’d be fine.
Lastly, I was uncertain about the actions being taken to address this escalating violence. If I had known about specific initiatives aimed at combating anti-Asian violence, I would have shared that with my kids. However, at that moment, I had no hope to offer. It often feels like only Asian Americans are addressing this issue. The best I could do was offer vague reassurances, so I lied and said they would be okay.
I hope for a future where I can truthfully tell my children they will be safe. In my darkest moments, I fear that day may never come, but in my more hopeful moments, I wonder if families like ours can contribute to meaningful change through our voices and actions.
For more insights on navigating challenging discussions, you might find this article helpful: Navigating Difficult Conversations, and if you’re looking for authoritative resources on home insemination, check out Make a Mom for their comprehensive guide. Additionally, Wikipedia provides excellent information on artificial insemination.
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Summary:
In this reflection, an Asian father grapples with the challenge of discussing recent violence against Asian Americans with his children. He shares his fears about safety, his instinct to protect them, and the difficulty he faces in expressing his emotions. Ultimately, he acknowledges that while he reassured his children they would be safe, he struggled with the truth of the situation and the urgency for change in addressing anti-Asian violence.
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