What You're Communicating to Your Plus-Size Friends When You Give In to Diet Culture

When you’re in a body that enjoys thin privilege, your discussions about dieting aren’t likely to resonate with your plus-size friends. Thin privilege doesn’t imply that you haven’t struggled with body acceptance, nor does it mean you fit every narrow definition of thinness. It simply means that you inhabit a body that society generally accepts, allowing you to navigate life without the constant challenges that come with being plus-size. If this describes you, it’s time to reconsider your audience when sharing your weight loss journey.

From my own experiences, I know that when plus-size individuals request basic respect from those who are thinner, some people tend to react defensively. I anticipate that some readers may disagree with this idea, but that doesn’t invalidate my perspective. Before you dive into a long monologue about the 14 pounds you shed by subsisting solely on peanuts and exercising like a Roman gladiator, pause and think about whether the person you’re addressing genuinely wants to hear about it—especially if they’re plus-size.

The emotions tied to living in a larger body are incredibly complex. If you’re looking to shed some pounds but have never experienced the biases and mistreatment that accompany being plus-size, it’s unlikely you can fully grasp what it feels like.

That’s why I’m here. I’m not attempting to impose rules or silence anyone; I simply want to highlight some points you might not have considered.

Diet Culture is Problematic

Chances are, your motivation to diet stems from a societal belief that you’re unworthy if your body isn’t very thin. Even if you’re not plus-size, gaining weight can make you feel like a failure—and that’s intentional. The multi-billion-dollar diet industry thrives on this negative self-perception.

For those of us in larger bodies, the pressure can sometimes feel overwhelming. For the sake of our mental health, many of us have had to step back from the relentless thin-centric messages and redefine our relationship with our bodies as beautiful, healthy, and deserving of care—regardless of whether we want to change them.

Conversations about dieting can feel monotonous when you’ve chosen to prioritize health and happiness over the scale. Listening to your diet discussions can make those in plus-size bodies acutely aware of how you view our bodies. Approaching a plus-size person to lament about fatness—yours or theirs—is akin to discussing your husband’s long business trip with a widow at a funeral. It’s fine to share your feelings, but it’s essential to be aware of your audience.

The Impact of Your Words

Living in a society that deems me lazy or unattractive based on my size has been my reality since birth. The idea that fat is bad is ingrained in us all. Thinness is idolized, while fatness is often viewed as undesirable.

When I’m surrounded by people who love me, I can sometimes escape the harsh judgments that come from society. I can simply be myself rather than just “the plus-size girl.” Those conversations about carbs, macros, and all the other weight-loss jargon can often feel like a message saying, “I care about you, but I’ll do anything to never look like you.”

Even if that’s not your intention, the impact of your words matters more than you might realize.

Diet Talk Can Trigger Past Struggles

Another significant issue with diet talk is that many individuals in larger bodies have navigated disordered eating at some point. It’s easy to slip back into harmful habits after hearing about diets. Disordered eating can affect anyone, regardless of size. I don’t know a single plus-size person who hasn’t felt proud of enduring hunger, believing that it might lead to a smaller body and, thus, increased worth. The societal pressure is immense.

Our casual hangouts or birthday parties aren’t always the right settings for confronting these deep-seated issues.

Respect Boundaries

Not discussing your dieting efforts won’t harm you, but launching into those conversations without considering your audience could hurt your plus-size friends. Be sure to ask if someone would like to hear about your weight loss journey before you start sharing.

Some individuals in larger bodies may be open to discussing it, and that’s perfectly fine. If someone is interested, feel free to share your experiences. It’s not that you shouldn’t feel proud of your progress; it’s just that a plus-size person may not always feel comfortable engaging in conversations about dieting.

If you genuinely care about your friends, it’s important to respect their boundaries.

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Summary

This article discusses the impact of diet culture on conversations between individuals of different body sizes. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing the feelings of plus-size friends when discussing weight loss, urging individuals to be mindful of their audience and the potential harm diet talk can cause. Ultimately, it advocates for respect and understanding in these discussions.