The Unspoken Difficulties of Parenting Adult Children

Hey there, moms of both young and grown kids—can I share a little truth with you? Thanks for nodding along!

As a mother of three kids in their twenties, I often hear parents of younger children say, “How nice it must be to have finished the heavy lifting of parenting and have all that freedom.” I might agree, but let me tell you—this stage of motherhood is also CHALLENGING. I mean, it can feel like I’m really struggling over here, H-A-R-D.

It’s important to shine a light on the realities of parenting adult children. I’m here to be vulnerable and offer a cautionary tale for those who haven’t reached this phase yet. I definitely missed the warning signs about how tough it could be as my kids transitioned to adulthood.

This new chapter is difficult for several reasons:

Watching your kids stumble and make poor decisions can be heart-wrenching.
Seeing them go through hardship and learning from their mistakes, wishing they’d taken a different path, can be frustrating.
You might find yourself blindsided when they bring up your past parenting missteps, using them as fodder for their own challenges.
Your faith can be greatly tested, as this phase often requires you to “let go, stay silent, and only offer encouragement”—which can be tough when your protective instincts kick in.

The growing pains of letting go as they seek independence can be draining for everyone involved. It’s stressful for them as they strive to feel confident and in control, while parents often worry if they’ve done enough to prepare their children for the world.

For those insecure moms like me, who have made their share of mistakes, this messy season can be overwhelming. It’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling that you’re responsible for their struggles—wondering how things might have been different if only you had done this or that. Such second-guessing can lead to disappointment, which invites a wave of emotional turmoil.

Moms, don’t let the negative thoughts that suggest you weren’t enough seep into your heart. If you love your kids and give your all, that truly matters. We are all imperfect beings doing our best.

As our children embark on their independent journeys, we need to trust that we’ve equipped them well. It’s essential to continue nurturing ourselves and maintaining a healthy balance. We must believe that our efforts were significant and lean into the grace we need for ourselves and our kids.

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In summary, parenting adult children is a complex journey filled with challenges and emotional hurdles. It’s vital to remember that love and effort are what truly count, and to embrace the grace that comes with this season of life.