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In the aftermath of my initial breast cancer diagnosis, I found myself navigating a whirlwind of emotions—caught between panic and contemplation. One conversation lingered in my mind, a discussion with a friend before my diagnosis. She had revealed her concerns about her mother’s lack of self-care, including skipping vital annual gynecological appointments and mammograms. My friend mused that she wouldn’t be surprised if her mom developed breast cancer. Then, she went further, expressing her strong aversion to chemotherapy, declaring, “If I had cancer, there’s no way I would put those chemo chemicals into my body. I’d just wait and see what happened.”
Fast forward to my own diagnosis—part of the one in eight women facing invasive breast cancer. I was faced with choices: chemotherapy, radiation, hormone blockers, immunotherapy, and surgery. The decision between a lumpectomy followed by six weeks of radiation or a mastectomy was one no woman wants to confront. Despite my usual “you do you” attitude, that previous conversation about chemotherapy kept resurfacing.
Nearly four years post-diagnosis, I chose to undergo a mastectomy. Thankfully, my early cancer stage meant that chemotherapy and radiation weren’t recommended at that time. Just as I was embracing my identity as a cancer survivor, I discovered a mass in my chest wall—my cancer had returned.
This led me back into the chaos of medical appointments, tests, and surgeries. After two procedures in quick succession, I was once again cancer-free. However, aware of the nature of breast cancer recurrence, I began to explore my treatment options. This time, my medical team and I decided that chemotherapy, radiation, and immunotherapy were the best course of action.
This choice was not made lightly. I sought the opinions of my trusted doctors, well-versed in their field, whose expertise I value. As a mother of four, I also considered what was best for my family. I wanted to fight cancer with all my might rather than adopt a wait-and-see approach. Ultimately, I felt a profound sense of peace about my decision; my instincts led me to pursue treatment.
I don’t feel the need to justify my decision to everyone who questions my choice of chemotherapy, immunotherapy, and radiation. Over-explaining can often lead to more skepticism and doubt, which is the last thing I need on my journey. However, I want to share my thoughts in hopes that it helps others facing similar battles.
When it comes to critiquing a patient’s decisions, the only person entitled to do so is the patient themselves. What you would do in my situation isn’t relevant. Inserting your perspective into my experience—whether through comments on social media, unsolicited advice, or dubious articles about alternative treatments—only adds to the burden I carry.
Yes, chemotherapy is toxic. That’s its purpose—to eradicate cancer cells. Unfortunately, it doesn’t distinguish between healthy cells and cancerous ones, causing side effects that no one desires. Nobody wants to experience hair loss, nausea, or the myriad issues that accompany chemotherapy, but many choose it as a necessary step in their fight against cancer.
If you know someone grappling with a significant health challenge—be it cancer or any other serious condition—it’s crucial to refrain from expressing what you would do in their place. Instead, acknowledge their struggle and offer your support. A simple, “I’m here for you” or “What do you need?” can mean the world. Avoid phrases that minimize their experience or offer empty platitudes.
In our culture, where opinions abound, the most important stance you can take when someone you care about faces a medical crisis is to stand beside them in solidarity with their choices.
If you’re interested in more insights about navigating similar journeys, check out this blog post here. For those seeking guidance on starting a family, Make a Mom is an excellent resource. Additionally, Resolve provides valuable information on insemination options.
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- Breast cancer treatment options
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In summary, navigating a cancer diagnosis and treatment decisions is a deeply personal journey. It’s vital to respect patients’ choices and offer support rather than unsolicited opinions.
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