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Do you recall the classic “Friends” episode from October 10, 1996, titled “The One with the Metaphorical Tunnel”? In it, Ross throws a tantrum when he discovers his young son Ben with a Barbie doll. Instead of celebrating Ben’s joy with his pink beret-wearing toy, Ross is bewildered and uncomfortable. He grows more irritated when Ben dismisses the monster trucks and action figures Ross offers as substitutes. This situation plays out with outdated jokes rooted in gender and sexuality stereotypes.
Even the gentle jabs at the heart of this issue are quickly brushed off with laughter. “Ross, you’re being ridiculous. Why can’t your son just enjoy his doll?” Rachel quips, amidst her comedic antics in another storyline. It seems unacceptable for Ross, or any cisgender man, to feel challenged about his views on gender roles without it being softened by humor.
Although that episode aired 26 years ago, many parents—primarily cisgender fathers, but also cishet mothers—still resort to manipulative tactics or outright denial when it comes to their sons engaging with toys or clothing deemed “feminine.” This outdated humor was never funny, and telling your son not to play with dolls, wear nail polish, or don dresses is harmful. Mocking their choices is abusive.
Listen closely: if you restrict your son’s preferences based on gender norms, it reflects more about your insecurities than his identity. Children will gravitate toward what they love and express who they are, irrespective of your disparaging remarks. The real difference lies in how they perceive themselves and the risks they may take, both against themselves and others.
Our society perpetuates a troubling cycle that begins with the first glimpse of a penis on a sonogram. When parents learn they’re having a boy, they often default to blue colors and sports. The expectation is that boys will embody adventure, toughness, and strength, preparing them to be future protectors and breadwinners. Yet, boys raised under strict gender roles are statistically more prone to committing acts of violence against women.
Parents who restrict their sons from exploring diverse expressions of gender unintentionally instill shame and fear within them. Denying your child happiness based on your personal biases is selfish and damaging. Why would you discourage your son from showing kindness and empathy towards a doll? Nurturing behaviors are essential, and if we desire compassionate men in the future, these qualities should be encouraged from an early age.
Many parents fear their sons donning high heels or playing with Barbie dolls due to societal ridicule. The prevailing narrative suggests that femininity equates to weakness, leading to discouragement from engaging with anything perceived as “girly.” When a boy plays with dolls, he is often viewed as weak rather than nurturing and creative. This stigma is harmful; we can break this cycle.
So, go ahead and buy your son the doll, the tea set, the party dresses, or the sparkly shoes he desires. Unless he explicitly states otherwise, it’s simply a reflection of his interests. Engaging in activities like playing princess or serving tea won’t determine his sexual orientation or gender identity. Even if your son hasn’t requested such items, it’s beneficial to provide toys and literature that promote diverse play.
Examine your own biases regarding gender roles and challenge them. Alternatively, you can choose to swap twirling in tutus for playing with trucks. Few suffer from men who are secure in their masculinity and capable of managing their emotions while embracing gentler aspects of themselves. The “boys will be boys” mantra only perpetuates harmful behaviors.
For further insights into parenting and inclusivity, check out this informative blog post and learn more about home insemination at Make a Mom. Additionally, Rmany’s blog is an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
Encouraging your son to play with dolls or wear dresses shouldn’t be met with resistance or ridicule. Societal norms often impose strict gender roles that can harm children’s development and self-esteem. Parents should embrace their children’s interests, regardless of gender stereotypes, fostering kindness and empathy. It’s crucial to challenge personal biases and create an environment where children can freely express themselves.
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