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I found myself sitting in the dentist’s office with my two sons, ages 9 and 7. My eldest, Jason, struggles with anxiety, especially when it comes to anything medical. When he was just 5, he spent a week in the hospital due to an undiagnosed illness, undergoing countless tests, IV treatments, and regular blood draws. That experience left him, and me, with emotional scars that linger to this day.
Even routine doctor visits trigger his anxiety. He becomes visibly nervous, especially during procedures like x-rays. At our latest dental appointment, the hygienist asked if he was on anxiety medication. Surprised, I said no and shared his medical background, explaining the anxiety that stems from his past experiences.
However, I began to realize that Jason’s anxiety extended beyond medical settings. I noticed him fidgeting, experiencing nervous outbursts, and displaying other signs of anxiety. For a time, I questioned, “What is wrong with Jason?” But after that dental visit, I shifted my perspective. Instead, I asked, “What’s wrong with our world that I thought my child was at fault?”
My partner and I strive to raise empathetic and thoughtful children. Jason’s anxiety was, in part, a result of our success. He is aware and sensitive to the world’s challenges. If I treated his feelings as a flaw, I’d only heighten his anxiety and sense of “wrongness.”
In a span of ten months, he faced several challenges: wildfires that forced evacuations from his school and home, significant wildlife and property loss, a school shooting nearby that caused his school to lock down, and a friend abruptly ignoring him at school. Additionally, he became increasingly aware of the seriousness of climate change. Undergoing all of this would make it concerning if he didn’t feel anxious.
Then came the COVID-19 pandemic, which added to his stress, as did his growing understanding of the Black Lives Matter movement, especially as a child of a Black father. I noticed him pulling his hair out, a physical manifestation of his anxiety.
This time, I didn’t ask, “What’s wrong with my child?” I knew the answer: nothing. He was processing the world around him. By embracing this understanding and sharing it with friends facing similar concerns, I found relief and reduced my anxiety. I could then focus on cultivating a supportive environment for our family.
We began setting aside time to discuss the state of the world, focusing on stories of hope and joy, particularly those highlighting Black America. “Where is the joy?” Jason once asked. This led us to seek out positive narratives. We enrolled him in a fantastic Black Innovators course on Outschool and arranged sessions with his aunt, a Buddhist translator, who guides him through mindfulness exercises. We make it a priority to enjoy nature, whether it’s jogging, climbing trees, or picking up trash in our community.
We empower him to take action against the challenges he sees, as feeling powerless can exacerbate anxiety. He created a video game, pledging to donate 25% of the proceeds to Black Lives Matter and another 25% to COVID relief. Currently, he’s researching homelessness in our community and developing a project based on his findings.
His hair is growing back, and he’s showing fewer signs of anxiety. He laughs more, embracing the world despite its challenges. Most importantly, I’ve realized that he doesn’t need to change; his empathy and awareness of the world are what make him truly remarkable. My child is all right.
For more insights on related topics, check out this blog post on home insemination. If you’re looking for guidance on your fertility journey, Make a Mom offers valuable resources. Additionally, IVF Babble is an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination support.
Summary
Raising an anxious child can be challenging, but understanding and empathy are key. Recognizing that anxiety often stems from a child’s awareness of the world’s complexities can help parents foster a supportive environment. Engaging in meaningful discussions and encouraging actions can empower children, allowing them to navigate their feelings and grow positively.
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