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When my partner, Alex, underwent brain surgery in 2011 to remove what we believed was a benign tumor, I could never have imagined that a decade later, I would be navigating the complexities of Mother’s Day alone. Yet, here I am, facing this day that feels like an unavoidable reminder of my solitude—Mother’s Day, which to me feels like a social faux pas.
Let me clarify: I wholeheartedly believe that mothers deserve recognition and admiration, especially after surviving a year that turned us into makeshift chefs, unqualified educators, overwhelmed caregivers, and perpetually tired household managers. All of this while juggling full-time careers that left little room for the chaos of parenting, remote learning mishaps, and the relentless stir-craziness. This sentiment holds true for parents like me who have the privilege of earning an income.
Mothers should be honored every single day, not just during a single day that often feels like a performance to garner likes and comments on social media platforms.
The reason I’m sharing my thoughts is that I’m a widow—my husband passed away in 2012, just 15 months after his diagnosis of what we thought was a typical benign brain tumor, but which turned out to be a glioblastoma, a ruthless and incurable brain cancer. My level of denial was astounding. I had an interview with a celebrity scheduled on the very day we received the devastating news about his treatment options. At the time, I was more frustrated about rescheduling my interview than processing the grim prognosis.
As I slowly came to terms with the reality of losing my partner, I oscillated between denial, anger, and profound sadness. Yet, I couldn’t afford to indulge in self-pity; I had a baby to raise alone and a demanding dog that had been part of our family for 17 years and was less than friendly to newcomers.
That was nearly nine years ago. Raising my child alone has become my most significant accomplishment. Even a well-known actor recently mentioned that only parents are true heroes, and I couldn’t agree more. From the mundane tasks like ensuring we always have snacks at hand to the bigger challenges of relocating for better schools and managing our finances on one income, my decisions are always centered on my child’s well-being—because if I falter, there’s no one else to step in.
Life as a solo parent isn’t about checking off tasks on a to-do list. Instead, it’s filled with precious moments and observations: the way my son tenderly cares for our rescue cat, the creativity he pours into his artwork, his determination on the soccer field, and his empathy for friends in distress. I often think that even if I were to fail at everything else, I’m still nurturing a wonderful human being.
I don’t need one designated day to validate my role as a mother. However, society presents this expectation, and instead of regular appreciation, it’s all crammed into a single day that carries immense pressure to feel special. On this day, I can’t help but notice the heightened feelings of inadequacy, as other parents share perfect moments, often highlighted with hashtags like #blessed.
For years, I’ve grappled with conflicting emotions. I know deep down that it’s not about lavish gifts or fancy dinners, but rather the deep-seated feeling of exclusion that often accompanies my situation. How can I simply ignore it when every social circle showcases joyful celebrations of motherhood?
As a mother every day of the year, I know no one loves my child as fiercely as I do—because the only other adult who would have shared that role is no longer here. My son and I form a close-knit duo, and while that is often enough, on Mother’s Day, the weight of expectation feels overwhelming.
So how do I navigate this day? Should I guilt my 10-year-old into crafting something special for me? That feels wrong. It’s not his responsibility to lift my spirits or validate my choices in life, like my decision to remain single. His job is to enjoy his childhood, filled with soccer, adventure, and joy.
This leads me to lean on the kindness of friends. It’s a strange balance of feeling gratitude for those who invite me into their lives while simultaneously grappling with bitterness over my circumstances. Do they include me out of obligation? I can’t say for sure, but I know that without them, I would be home alone, reflecting on my situation.
As Mother’s Day approaches, I am starkly reminded that despite having supportive friends and family, I am still on this journey alone.
Being a mother is a 365-day commitment, and even though I am surrounded by love, the solitude can feel profound at times. If you’re interested in exploring topics related to home insemination, check out this informative post on our other blog. Also, if you’re on a fertility journey, this resource can provide valuable insights.
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In summary, Mother’s Day serves as a poignant reminder of both the joys and challenges of parenting alone. It highlights the unique struggles and triumphs that come with being a solo parent, reinforcing the importance of connection and authenticity in our experiences.
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